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Maybe I'm a transman, maybe I'm not.

Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2017 7:38 pm
by Riverfern
Hi everyone,

I have never said this out loud to anyone before (not since I was 8 and wanted to be a boy) but I'm worried that I might be trans. I'm not sure though. I don't mind having breasts or anything like that. I just feel like if I had a guys chest maybe that would feel more like how I should be.

I have extreme low self esteem and no confidence. Whenever I try to dress in more feminine clothes I feel like a man in drag and totally ugly. I'm 32 and I am in a lesbian relationship and I'm married to my wife and we have two awesome daughters. I'm currently in schema therapy which helps people with personality disorders. I also have a history of depression.

As a child I wanted to be a boy and told people I was called Kevin. I loved when people mistook me for a boy. But then as I grew up my mum told me it was weird now and that I could never be a boy so I stopped pretending and buried it down deep deep deep.

But if I am trans how do I know? How can I tell my wife? I don't want to lose her. She loves my body as it is for some reason. But maybe I'm not trans and one day I'll feel happy with how I look. I feel like those feelings are buried so deep, I'm not sure if I'll ever have the courage to dig them up and take a look. But mostly I could use some advice and someone to talk to about this.