How can she not understand?

[Allyex]

I'm not exactly sure this is the right forum to post this in, so I apologize in advance if it isn't. I added a topic a couple months ago (around October 2013, I'm pretty sure) as a guest, asking help about figuring out who I was. I was still unsure of everything back then, but now everything is pretty much clear to me. I identify as non-binary, I prefer male pronouns, I dress in "male clothing" and bind everyday. I came out to both of my parents, to my best friend, to a few of my close friends and I now have an amazing girlfriend who accepts me for who I am.
My father turned out to be really nice about it, telling me to "do whatever felt right to me" and that he'd love me no matter what. My mother didn't take it that well... I've tried explaining it to her over and over (I don't even ask her to use male pronouns when she addresses me, even if we speak French at home and French is a language where adjectives and names and all that are either feminine or masculine), yet she still thinks it's a phase and I just "like playing dress-up".
Because I am currently going through therapy (because of things that happened in my childhood), I'm still living with my mother and she currently is the one who pays for most of my stuff. I'm okay for most of my clothing, but she refuses to buy me (or give me the money so I can buy myself) male jeans and boxer briefs which are things I feel like I need. My father, despite being accepting, refuses to help me financially in any way. I'm out of ideas how to explain who I am to her or trying to get her to understand that is what feels right to me...

[JustMe]

Wow Allyex,

That's really difficult and I'm so sorry that you are going through so much. Support from those closest to us is priceless and probably the most important of them all for you doesn't yet 'understand'. I'm MTF and so don't know if I can answer this very well but I wanted to say something (to show that somebody has read your message here).

I'm on limited funds and so getting new clothes to replace my former male clothes has not been easy. You are on limited funds to get your change of wardrobe too as your Mum will not help you to get new male clothes. The way I managed to get replacement clothes was to look in charity shops - there are some very cheap things and if you look for them, you can get some pretty good quality things too.

I don't know how long you have been living your life in your chosen gender but you do need to give those around you time to adjust - some people take longer than others (I'm struggling with a relative at the moment who is refusing to use the correct pronouns for me - this is after over a year in RLE). The way I've tried to move into my chosen gender has been to take my time. Slowly, I introduced more feminine things into the way I presented - I was dressing in a gender neutral way for a long time. In my view, the secret is to do things very slowly and not to rush. By doing things slowly and progressively, you give those around you a chance to adjust with you. 'Slowly, Slowly catchee monkey' as the saying goes.

I hope this helps Allyex.
Kerry x.

[Jane_D_C]

Hello Alleyx & welcome.

One possibility is charity shops. That's where most of me female wardrobe initially came from.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a bad time with your parents.

Jane x.