I NEED HELP!!!

[ElliReid]

Okay to start off I'm sorry but this a really long agony that I have.

I am a 21 year old muslim born (but now wanting to be) man (urghh). I have known that I want to be a woman and transition since I was 13. The way that my family life is orientated is that I am scared for my life if I even tell them. They've previously heard a rumour that I was making out with a guy when I was 14 (I was) and for that they beat me within an inch of my life.

As some of you may know being gay or transgender in Islam is a very taboo subject is seen as IMMORAL (I know) and is received very harshly by my community. I want some advice of what I should do.

I can't even go and see the GP to be referred on to the Gender Clinic in Sheffield (where I live) because off fear of being outed (not that there's any shame of being what I am) but I am scare of being killed and never achieving dream of becoming a woman. I have no real control with what I do in my life and am scared of being destroyed inside by not revealing my inner most desires.

Its not even like I can even run away my family has everything that belongs to me including my passport and bank accounts.

I guess what I'm saying is I NEED HELP! What can I and what should I do.

Elli

[Ice Maiden]

It is clear your biggest obstacle is not actually you it is those around you.

We often fear these things and many will tell you they are often not as bad as we at first think.

However, if you feel your life maybe in danger. Then there are only a few solutions open to you.

The most obvious is to simply move away to another part of the UK. I hear Brighton is very accommodating. Save up some money now and put it in a bank account. and prepare for a time you want to leave. Find out the price of a cheap bedsit in Brighton or near Brighton. For example (could be Manchester). And then move and find work there. Then 'simply' register with a new GP in that area and explain you want to be referred to a Gender Identity Clinic.

This is not easy but safer. And likely would be what I would do under the same or similar circumstance.

The only other option is to find a friend or a family member you feel would be sympathetic.

I have spoken to a few Muslims, and although it is a difficult issue and can become abusive. It is more accepted now - although you might have to pray with the men or at home - during transition - watch this:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DSGuN2VzBA[/youtube]

[ElliReid]

Thank you for the advice but when I would first see a GP and ask them to refer me to a Gender Identity clinic what sort of questions would the GP actually ask me at first

[Casaluna]

.

[SarahG]

The worst you might get is a GP who is a little over eager and wants to ask questions that are really the job of a psych to ask. Most will just refer you straight on. As others have said GPs are bound by patient confidentiality and aren't allowed to share details with your family etc. If you have reason to suspect your GP won't maintain confidentiality then you could register with another one?

No idea if this will be a problem for you, guessing not, but the referral to see a psych will come by letter, so if you want to keep this secret make sure no-one else reads it and that you dispose of it securely when you're done.

I can't really offer much advice on how to approach your family, culture or religion. I don't know much about Islam beyond what I was taught in school and the hateful cr*p put out by the UK media which I tend to ignore. Is being trans actually against the faith or is it a cultural thing? I'm guessing you will be distancing yourself from your family if nothing else?

It'll take a fair bit of time from asking for the referral to seeing the local mental health, to getting referred on to someone who can actually help you, so even if you are not ready to move away it might still be worth starting the process, you will have plenty of time before you reach a point where you can't hide this and it should give you time to make preparations to move away or whatever you choose to do.

I'm no expert in this but things I can think of:

Bank Account - No reason why you can't open another one in your own name. If you're working then you usually just need to fill in a form and hand it to HR to get your wages paid into this account
Passport - Not hugely necessary in this country, if you really want it you can just report it lost/stolen and get a new one sent to your new address.
Do you have a driving licence? That is a form of photo ID that is suitable for basically anything.