What the others have said here is so right and what you're going through right now is such a reminder to how I felt not too long ago. Please do have a read through my blog, because I did talk about my experiences at the time and you will see that they are similar to yours AND that you can come out of the other side
![[yesss]](./images/smilies/yes.gif "yesss"){kind=small}
.Okay, a few points here.
When I first went to Leeds GIC, I was really worried because I wasn't dressed very femininely (girl jeans, top and flat shoes with a short pixie (ish) hairstyle and no make-up) and thought that they would be critical of my appearing not to be very serious about it. My Lead Professional comforted me by saying 'Well actually, I think that you look okay and that it's how you feel comfortable that's important. Anyway, look at me - I'm wearing similar to what you have on and I was born a girl'. So, unless you turn up in bloke clothes and act like a bloke - there shouldn't be a problem
.About that mirror. I think it was Caitlin who said 'don't look in it too much'. Good advice. Ma'at, your brain is used to seeing a guy look back at you - it takes time to retrain your mind to see the girl looking back. Even now, I have 'bloke' moments. What I struggled with for a long time - was I couldn't think of myself looking female - I kept thinking of myself as the girl who is breaking free but still looking like a bloke. It's a tough one to get out of but here's what worked for me and it doesn't happen straight away. You see that photo of me in my Avatar photo thing (or whatever they call it). Well, that's my favourite picture of me and I think I look quite feminine and happy in it. Whenever I think of myself, I think of that picture because that picture is what others see of me. Now, when I see an old picture of the old me - yeuch, who is that guy - he's certainly not me ANYMORE
.On to your figure/build Ma'at. Well, I used to have the same thoughts - small hips/bum, broad shoulders and no breasts. I would say that these negative images stayed with me probably until about 6 months into treatment with hormones (I'm now about 8 1/2 months into HRT). I found that well fitted clothes on the top half helped to define or reduce the appearance of broad shoulders and helped to show what little bust I had. Try to avoid baggy tops, they just accentuate a straight up and down appearance. If you wear a jumper dress over jeans though, you can add a wide belt which gives the appearance of a waist. The choice of clothes to accentuate the positive bits and hide others is what all cis girls do, you just need to find what works for you. So really, there isn't much else you can do until the effects of the hormones start to manifest themselves. When they do, there will suddenly come a point where you are being addressed in the correct pronouns by strangers and the stares become less.
Finally Ma'at, I've said this many times here now - 'Slowly, Slowly catch a monkey'. This isn't a race we are in, it takes time to start feeling the benefits of the progression into womanhood (just like a girl going through her teens - she doesn't suddenly become a woman, she blooms into one over several years which is what we do too).
Another Kerry ramble on but useful anyway I hope.
Hug
Kerry x.
