totally lost

Special area for friends and family of transgender people to get or give advice and support.
shopaholic
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:46 pm

totally lost

Postby shopaholic » Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:02 pm

Hi my son recently informed me that he wishes to become a female. He is in his 20s. I had no idea at all that this was an issue with him. He has lived with a girl before and has had depression for quite a few years on and off. I could possibly see him being Gay or Bisexual but this news has floored me.He has been referred to the right people and I think is going to start taking hormones pretty soon. Not that I know the hows and whens of this subject. Also the possiblity of the "big chop" as I call it.OMG Im so scared for him. Im hoping its depression making him feel this way.I cant see that surgery will give him a more confident self essteem feel for him. I just want to die actually. The world has stopped for me. I know its selfish thinking this and I really cant help feeling this way. Of course I support him and will stand by him and be there for him if Im needed.But Im struggling to cope and I just cant see him as a female.

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thedreadpersephone
Families Admin
Families Admin
Posts: 309
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:56 pm
Location: Glasgow

Re: totally lost

Postby thedreadpersephone » Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:32 pm

Hi shopaholic,

thank you for writing such a brave and honest post. This is obviously a hard time for you and you understandably have many questions and worries. You are struggling with this news but at the same time trying to support your child as best you can.

You say he has had depression for a few years on and off. It is quite common for trans people to be depressed for years before they are able to transition. The good news is that the vast majority of people start to feel much better as soon as they take steps to live the way that feels right and to be recognised as the gender they feel they are. You say you are 'hoping its depression making him feel this way.' Would you really prefer it if he had a long term mental health issue with no obvious cause or treatment? I realise this news is very hard for you to accept but for your son it could be that he is now moving towards being much happier and healthier.

When you say 'referred to the right people' do you mean he has an appointment at a gender identity clinic? Even if this is the case, it may not be that he will get a prescription for hormones right away. There is often a requirement for people to live as the target gender for a period of time before receiving hormones. This is not a quick process and I don't think you need to worry that things will change overnight.

If your son is quite early in his treatment surgery is probably quite a long way off. Why not take things one step at a time? As for the 'big chop', if I may make a suggestion, you might want to start calling it something else. Using that phrase is probably not helping you to see things in a positive light and could be upsetting to your son. As a woman, I really dislike that people refer to male to female gender reassignment surgery as 'chopping off'. To me this assigns too much importance to the penis, as if it is the only sexual organ that matters. Besides my personal feelings on the matter, 'chopping off' does not reflect the realities of what happens in the surgery.

You said 'I just want to die actually'. This is obviously a very distressing situation for you. I hope that you are getting plenty of support from your friends and family. Have you shared this news with anyone else? If you are feeling suicidal or depressed please seek help from your GP.
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Casaluna
Posts: 777
Joined: Wed Oct 09, 2013 12:13 pm

Postby Casaluna » Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:56 pm

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Last edited by Casaluna on Wed May 13, 2015 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

shopaholic
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:46 pm

Re: totally lost

Postby shopaholic » Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:52 pm

??? Im sure I replied and clicked the right bit,b ut cant seem to see my reply now....
so here is another go...
thank you for your reply thedreadpersephone.
ok i shant say "the big chop" again.
I havent got my head round the new words yet.
I have been on the internet all afternoon and I dont feel quite so bad now.
Although i have my ok moments and not ok moments.
Yes you are right in saying its best he goes through this and not just be depressed,if he comes out ok after it all and happy.Im just worried he wont be after it all as depression can disturb your thinking cant it.
He is waiting to see the gender clinic people. a long difficult road ahead I know.
As to me,Im ok i have support from 2 family members.1 of which is ok with it all, the other is supportive for me and son,but doesnt agree with my sons hopes.
Im sure we will get used to it at some point.


Casaluna
Posts: 777
Joined: Wed Oct 09, 2013 12:13 pm

Postby Casaluna » Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:08 pm

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Last edited by Casaluna on Wed May 13, 2015 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.



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