OMG!!

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Helen rh

OMG!!

Postby Helen rh » Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:46 pm

So where do I start? I have been cross dressing off and on since I was about 12. I remember I actually bought a pair of boots for my mum with my pocket money (this was in the late 60s) - But of course they were really for me not her! Through the 70s and 80s I dressed when I could but was with a female partner so it was difficult. I learnt the hard way not to say anything - a friend who it turns out also cross dressed confided in one of my good friends but unfortunately she told everyone. Things in the 80s weren't as tolerant as they are now and he was shunned by everyone, including me I am very ashamed to say. But having seen what happened to him there was no way I was putting my head above the parapet.

That partner and I split in the early 90s and for about 18 months I lived on my own except when the kids came to stay at the weekends. I cross dressed regularly then but never had the courage to go out dressed except for one drunken night when I got back from the pub. I got about 200 yards down the road very late at night but then fled back indoors terrified!

I met the lady who is now my wife in the mid 90s and we married. I managed to suppress the urge to dress for a long time, only dressing once in the past 10 years. But suddenly in the last couple of weeks it has come back with a vengeance. I absolutely cannot tell my wife or any of our friends. My wife is quite conservative and when I have raised the subject in general terms, or we watched programmes like Transformation Street, she has made her views very clear. There are none of my friends that I would trust with this confidence because of what has happened before.

I still love my wife to bits. She has had a hard time due to other things lately and I know if she found out it would destroy her. I have no real desire to transition fully but I do so like dressing up! I am recently retired but my wife still works so I have the time to dress at home when she is at work. But of course I cannot do things like pluck my eyebrows or shave my legs as she would notice. Makeup is a bit tricky too and I haven't tried that yet.

She is going away for a few days soon and I plan to dress fully then. I am desperate to go out dressed but our neighbourhood is very close and my wife knows loads of people. The only way I can do it is in the car but dressed as a boy to go out of the house and then change when I get far enough away. I guess lots of you have done that.

She still has some of her old clothes around the house and I started to try them on last week. Some of them fit but most are at least one or two sizes too big as I am quite slim. Today I threw caution to the wind and did something reckless but I just couldnt help it. I popped into a charity shop in the town next to ours (hometown is way too dangerous) and found the most exquisite pair of over the knee boots in my size. There were other people in the shop and any one of them could know my wife so it was a huge risk but I just had to have them. The sales assistant messed around and took ages to serve me when all I wanted to do was pay and scuttle out! But they look and feel wonderful.

I have never opened up to anyone about this and it is great finding this site so at least I can tell someone who will understand. The internet has come on amazingly in the last 10 years and there is so much.more info out there now. I want to do everything all at once but I know it had to be baby steps.

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Steffi
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Re: OMG!!

Postby Steffi » Tue Mar 13, 2018 2:53 pm

Hi

I hope that you manage to strike a balance that works.
There are countless thousands of men in a similar situation to you as you no doubt realise from t'internet.

I have no idea of your location but often there is a trans-group locally where you can meet others - some will be living in role either part or full time and others either dressing in total secrecy like yourself or else have an arrangement with a wife who "knows but doesn't want to know"
Such places almost always have changing facilities.
This is the one which I used to go to - http://www.manchesterconcord.org.uk/
In fact, many years ago I used to go to a group meeting I was referred to by The Beaumont Society which is the group which later morphed into Manchester Concord.
The Beaumont Society should be able to advise you of any trans-groups within reasonable traveling distance to yourself.
Contact me privately via "steffi AT transgenderzone DOT com" Click to see Who I am

To those who understand, I extend my hand
To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am
Not under your command, I know where I stand
I won't change to fix your plan, Take me as I am (Dreamtheatre - As I Am)

I have about twenty tracks of me in my prior life as a guitarist up on You-Tube, if anyone wants to check them out
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QKYu ... zkA/videos

Helen rh

Re: OMG!!

Postby Helen rh » Tue Mar 13, 2018 7:35 pm

Many thanks Steffi

Helen
xxx

Helen rh

Re: OMG!!

Postby Helen rh » Fri Mar 23, 2018 2:09 pm

Thought that I might post an update a couple of weeks on. So for the last few days I have been very carefully buying things. I have a good wig now (bought online, click and collect is a Godsend!) and I bought some clothes in charity shops and Asda. I chose Asda as they have a separate counter for George stuff so you don't have to carry it all round the store and it's more discreet.

Bearing in mind that I am dressed in boy clothes the reactions to me buying womens clothes have been interesting. I bought a pair of boots in one charity shop (I do sooo love boots!) and the woman laughed. In another 2 young girls who were serving didn't bat an eyelid when I bought a leather skirt and a blouse.

And strangely I have found something else out about myself. I had naturally thought that I would prefer, and look good in, skirts and dresses. Turns out that instead I really like tight jeans or a pair of leggings and of course boots which has surprised me.

Still on a journey which I guess will be never ending but happy just now to dress at home when my wife is at work. Planning my trip out when she goes away for a few days and I can risk a bit of make-up.

Thanks

Helen xx


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Steffi
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Re: OMG!!

Postby Steffi » Fri Mar 23, 2018 3:03 pm

What most attracts attention when dressed male but shopping for women's stuff is looking furtive.
I have worked in shops and it is surprising how noticeable it is when someone seems shifty.
Better to stride in with confidence than to appear to be sneaking around and better to look shop assistants in the eye etc than seem ashamed.

:-)
Contact me privately via "steffi AT transgenderzone DOT com" Click to see Who I am

To those who understand, I extend my hand
To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am
Not under your command, I know where I stand
I won't change to fix your plan, Take me as I am (Dreamtheatre - As I Am)

I have about twenty tracks of me in my prior life as a guitarist up on You-Tube, if anyone wants to check them out
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QKYu ... zkA/videos



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