help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

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Re: help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

Postby thedreadpersephone » Sun Jul 19, 2015 1:51 pm

Yeah that could be it. If you try to imagine it from the point of view of someone outside of your head, it may not be easy to accept that the child you gave birth to is a different gender than you thought but at least there are words and concepts to describe it, which people are more familiar with now because trans stuff is 'out there' in the public eye. But someone saying they are not sure about their gender is a bit more of a slippery idea. For a parent who is broadly supportive, sometimes no obvious change or sign of 'moving forward' can be a bit baffling. I think because of the way famous trans people etc. are portrayed in the media, many cis people have it in their heads now that transition is a straightforward journey from one gender to another. The idea that someone isn't ready to start the journey (or doesn't know what the destination is or may stop somewhere in between or doesn't see it as a journey at all) just doesn't occur to most people.

Which is not to say that you should rush yourself to make any decisions. By all means you need to take this time to figure out what is right for you. I think if you can, maybe you need to try speaking to your mum again and find out what her expectations are. Ideally she would have some support from elsewhere too.
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Re: help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

Postby palantier » Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:25 pm

So I had a conversation with my mother, it took a bit to crack her shell, the problems I as getting from her were caused by her attempts to distance her feelings from me so she could at least try to support me. that's why she seemed to be Blaise and un engaging.

but once I got her to open up I realised that she is actually grieving, and she actually described my transition as like a death to her. I realised then that ice maiden's first post was pretty accurate, she seems to be going through the first three stages all at once. she keeps trying to hold me back and I think that might be caused by fear for me and for her. she also seems to ant to keep this private and in the house, she flat out told my sister that but I turned to my sister and said it's my decision when and who to tell. I also keep getting told by her that she is upset and disappointed that I haven't had sex prior to making this decision, she has even said that she thought that might dissuade me from taking this path. mum also keeps telling me to wait till I have made a decision, I've spent 9-10 years thinking like this, regardless of how new this may be for her it's been half my life for me.

don't get me wrong I love my mother, she means the world to me, but I have already bit my tong and waited and that didn't work out so well, now I've lost time and missed out on experiences. I do not feel I have much time left, I need to move forward with this and I feel like my transition is becoming more and more necessary.

in summary mother is supporting but not accepting, I feel like I'm on a time limit and I missed out on a lot of things growing up as I have. but on the brighter side my sister and my friends are a really accepting and supportive.
"... I am the (master) of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." - Invictus W.E. Henley

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