help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

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palantier
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Re: help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

Postby palantier » Mon Jul 13, 2015 10:32 am

thanks Ice Maiden, I did think that the first post may have come out a bit garbled there. I'm actually past the point of having told her (although interestingly I did go with the last part of your post there) but that's not my problem. my problem is that my mother is almost completely in the dark, the other thing is she's not angry or confused with me, it's more that I left I this long and of how I must be feeling from her perspective. it doesn't feel like grief, for example she doesn't seem to be displaying any signs of grief nor does she display any when out in public or with friends.
"... I am the (master) of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." - Invictus W.E. Henley

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Ice Maiden
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Re: help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

Postby Ice Maiden » Mon Jul 13, 2015 2:41 pm

Well what I said is searchable so will no doubt help others - beauty of the forum and being top of Google ;)

OK You seem to be wanting your mother to react? Like you are surprised she is taking it in her stride?

Sorry bit confused here.

Grief is handeled by many in different ways.

Some scream the house down, some go into some daydream-like coma, some just go into denial - "DONT BE SILLY!!!"

etc.

Maybe your mum doesn't need any help with it and you just plod on and deal with your woes and live plan and she will soon come running if she changes?

When you say 'in the dark'(?) do you mean she does not realise what you are about to do? Does she have learning difficulties? Disability, etc? Sorry to pry, but I only have half the picture.
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palantier
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Re: help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

Postby palantier » Mon Jul 13, 2015 5:44 pm

when I told her about the jealousy I did get something along the lines of 'don't be silly' but I'm not sure if that was denial or if it was more that she didn't understand what I meant at leapt to a conclusion? in any case I had to be a bit harsh with her at that point because I need her support and I didn't feel like I as getting that then.


by 'in the dark' I mean that yes she doesn't know what I'm about to do but also I don't think she quite understands what it means, it's almost like she is expecting that I'll just come downstairs one day wearing a dress?

but by the way no it's actually me with the learning disabilities not mum :lol:
"... I am the (master) of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." - Invictus W.E. Henley

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thedreadpersephone
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Re: help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

Postby thedreadpersephone » Tue Jul 14, 2015 2:08 pm

Hi palantier,

I'm glad to hear you're coping well yourself and have support outside the family. It also seems like you are, at least to some extent, able to speak to your mum about how you are feeling. That helps a lot at this point.

When you say she's confused, do you think it's the whole concept of being trans that she is confused about or is it that she doesn't understand where you are at with it individually? When I first met my partner (who is a trans guy) I found it useful to do a bit of reading about trans stuff generally but I also had to discuss with him what his actual plans were. I think books and websites can give a good overview of things but every trans person has a different path to trying to get more comfortable with themselves and understanding of this can only be reached through talking to the person in question. Have you had a chat with your mum about your plans? Or maybe you aren't sure yet what your plans are?

Ice Maiden mentioned Mermaids and that would be my best recommendation to get support for the parent of someone under 18 (unless you live near Glasgow or Edinburgh, in which case there are local support groups).
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palantier
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Re: help, my mother is feeling isolated and confused and i'm not sure how to help her

Postby palantier » Thu Jul 16, 2015 8:24 am

Hi Persephone,

I think she does know what trans is, but I don't think she knows what I feel is right for me. she has asked but I don't think I'm explaining it very well because I'm still not sure of those myself. I think my problem is while I know what I want of my body I'm still not sure quite why or what's going on in my head. I do think I have found my gender but I still have doubts and I'm unsure about that, I do wonder if my mother might be reflecting this?
"... I am the (master) of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." - Invictus W.E. Henley



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