My mtf sister is suicidal. In need of advice!

Special area for friends and family of transgender people to get or give advice and support.
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My mtf sister is suicidal. In need of advice!

Postby CncrndSis » Thu Dec 04, 2014 11:00 am

My sister is struggling with her transition. She's afraid she's never going to meet someone who would want to be with her. She's also tired of being treated as though she were less than human. (I'd love to give those people a piece of my mind!)

She's not part of any support groups and doesn't really have anyone to talk to that has been through this. She's thrown herself into work from a young age to escape. But now she's gotten in over her head and is too afraid to ask for time off. She works 60 hour weeks. She's worked her way up to a manager position and has a lot of responsibility. But she doesn't have more than an hour a day of time to herself. She can't go to counseling and she can't go to a group.

We've had a very traumatic childhood and we've been through a lot together. By the time she was 20 she had already experienced a lifetime of trauma. But on top of that she has this huge transitioning experience to deal with. I want to help but I've never been in her shoes and I'm afraid I don't know what advice she needs. All I know to tell her is to make time for counseling and group. I've been doing EFT myself for a year now and it's changed my life. It takes 2 hours a week. But she refuses to make time.

She prides herself on having everything together and I know she's afraid of looking weak but she's human. We ALL need help sometimes.

Our parents are supportive but dysfunctional. They overwork themselves to the point where they have medical problems. They expect us to do the same. I'm afraid she's trying to make up for being who she is. It breaks my heart to think that she feels like she has to do that. She's perfect. She's exactly who God intended her to be and if someone has a problem with that then THEY are the ones with the problem and THEY need to make an adjustment.

She's Christian and she feels like she's sinning by transitioning.

I really wish people would just treat everyone equally and how they would want to be treated. I wish I could be with her 24/7 so that I could build her up and protect her. This isn't a choice! People don't wake up one day and decide to make their lives a lot harder by becoming trans, or gay, or bi, or anything else. They're BORN THAT WAY!

I just really need advice. I want my sister to be happy and healthy and strong in who she is. I don't want to lose her.

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Re: My mtf sister is suicidal. In need of advice!

Postby thedreadpersephone » Tue Dec 09, 2014 4:53 pm

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Your sister is lucky to have someone in her life who cares about her and wants to support her. And I think to be honest that you are doing everything a person could reasonably be expected to do. You can't force her to seek support or counselling if she doesn't want this right now. You have made your suggestions and maybe she will reconsider in the future. Sadly people do not always want our advice no matter how sensible it is.

Sometimes having something else significant to focus on, such as a job, apart from transition can be a good thing. Obviously it isn't healthy to focus on work to the detriment of your wellbeing though. I'm unclear about whether your sister is actually stressed by her long working hours or it is you who thinks that this not good for her.

I don't know what sort of stage your sister's transition is at but generally there are times when people are very unsure and concerned about their future if they take certain steps. It's understandable that people worry about issues like finding a partner and negative reactions from others. Some of these issues may become easier to deal with as her transition progresses.

You are clearly very concerned about her mental health. Is she under the care of a gender identity clinic at the moment? Hopefully they should be monitoring her state of mind. However if you are concerned about suicidal thoughts perhaps you could suggest a visit to the GP.
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