Seeking advice...

Special area for friends and family of transgender people to get or give advice and support.
Norling
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2014 10:08 am

Seeking advice...

Postby Norling » Tue Jun 17, 2014 10:46 am

Hello. I'm sorry there's no presentation post of mine, I'll writte some short thing here as I think is the way to be polite.

I'm a guy from northern Spain, 20 years old and studing Enviromental Sciences. I'm interested in everything you can imagine. I'm sorry this goes no longer, but I don't really feel in the mood of talking about myself...

Now, this is what I registered in the forum:
For a year and a half I've being mated with a younger girl who's 17, I'm deeply fell in love with her and still I feel that way, she has something special that I love yet I don't know what is it. Since I knew her I knew she didnt like to be a girl aswell, and she's quite manly. From some months now She's been very sad and blue, she's always unhappy, and that makes me feel awfull and sad too... For that long I knew this was going to happen: she finally told me she's thinking about a sex change (don't know the right english expression for it)
I'm more into guys than into girls, so she becoming a man is not that a big problem but... I'm very afraid that changes her mood and ways, I'm afraid she loses that something she has that makes me crazy in love, I'm afraid she regrets and there's no come back or that finally it is not what she spected and feels even worse...
Being dependant on anykind of medicine drives me ill too... I'm kinda "against" of pills and stuff I've never took one since I was 12... She's just 17, so she cannot change now, just doing sport and stuff, but when she gets 18 she will try to get into the treatment and so as soon as posible... We've got money for now but I'm afraid we would run out of it soon, also her family is far from what you'd call a rich or nice family... I'd also like have children someday... but I'd like to have childrens with her only...

What should I do? How should I support her? She told me she's not so sure of the change yet... But I'm sure it's what she really desires... People who has gone through this, did you feel a mood or personality change? Changes in likes and so? I don't wanna lose the little girl I fell in love with... please no, I just cannot go thtrough that... I will stay by her side all the way long, but I do not know if I'll be able to go further... I just hope se becomes happier after all...


Sorry for the long post, I needed to tell someone, I feel alone about this. It is very personal of her so It's not cool talking about it with my friends and so...

Thanks for your time.

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thedreadpersephone
Families Admin
Families Admin
Posts: 309
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:56 pm
Location: Glasgow

Re: Seeking advice...

Postby thedreadpersephone » Tue Jun 17, 2014 5:33 pm

Hi and welcome to the forum.

You have a lot of questions and it seems that there is quite a bit of uncertainty in your situation.This can make things difficult as we all want to feel in control of our lives and to be able to plan our future. It's natural to wonder about these things but it may take a while for you to get the answers you are looking for.

Sex change is an expression that some people use, however many trans people don't like it as it is used offensively by the media and focuses on surgery. The word we mostly use here is 'transition'. We use this to talk about the whole process of changing from living as female to living as male (or vice versa). Transition might, or might not, include presenting as the target gender (dressing differently, changing your name and pronouns), hormone treatment and surgery.

Well done for standing by your partner and trying to understand. You obviously care a lot about her and want her to be happy despite your worries. My partner transitioned from female to male about 8 years ago and we are still happy together. It was a little easier for me because I knew when we got together that he was trans but I still had some worries about the whole process. Like you I was worried that his mood and personality would change. I can honestly say he has changed very little from that point of view. He is happier and more confident but still has the same personality and interests. Obviously I can't promise you will have the same experience. Do you think your partner is hiding who she really is or forcing herself to be interested in girly things? If so then transition might give her the freedom to be herself and you might feel she has changed.

Having children is something you really need to discuss with your partner. She may want to do something about that before transition or she may not want to have children that way at all.

No one wants to be dependent on medication but sometimes it's necessary. Many trans people feel so much better on hormones that it is worth it for them.

I hope that helps.
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