Sister of FTM seeking support

Special area for friends and family of transgender people to get or give advice and support.
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Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2015 10:01 am

Sister of FTM seeking support

Postby LilBil » Wed Oct 21, 2015 10:25 am

Hi there,

My now sister has just received her first prescription for testosterone. This is my first 'reach out' to the community for a better understanding of what she is about to go through. Excuse me still calling her a 'she' - i haven't adjusted yet to referring to her as a man yet.

She has always identified as gender qu*er and enjoyed doing theatrical drag king performances which I have always embraced and enjoyed however I was a little taken aback when she told me she identified as a man and she had decided to go down the path of transitioning. I support her 100%, she is my soul mate, my closest friend and I will support whatever it takes for her to feel comfortable in her own skin and most importantly...happy!

The thing I am a little confused by is that she identifies as a homosexual male. She informed me that she hasn't partaken in vaginal sex for a long time and that her sexual preference is for gay men. Has anyone else had this experience? My sister has been with men over the years to 'see if she could enjoy it' but never did. She has always been in relationships with women.

She is a very sexual person and I guess I am worried about her being accepted by gay men as a gay man and what her sexual life will look like post-transition. She lives in a very supportive and open minded community so I am not overly concerned about her public acceptance but just more on a personal level. She is an incredibly person and will no doubt build a fulfilling life around her as she has now. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed I guess. It's all happened so fast.

Sadly she also lives around a 12 hour drive from me so i only get to see her annually. Is it weird that I want to see her one last time as woman? even though thats not how she identifies. Intellectually I know I am not losing my sister but emotionally it feels a bit like that. I know her as a person and that 'he' will be as supporting and loving to me as 'she' has been.

Anyway, it would be great to hear from anyone going through something similar. So great to have these forums to reach out for support. Thank you.

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Re: Sister of FTM seeking support

Postby thedreadpersephone » Mon Oct 26, 2015 8:38 pm

Hi LilBil,

Welcome to Tzone.

It's great that you want to support your sister. A lot of trans people lose touch with family who are unable to accept them and this makes life more difficult. It will take time to get used to things but you are willing to try and that will make things easier for both of you. With that in mind, it might be helpful to try referring to your sister as 'he', if that is the preferred pronoun. You won't start feeling like your sister is a man overnight but it's a step in the right direction that will be appreciated.

In terms of sexuality, it's not unusual for a trans man to be attracted to other men. Just like anyone else, trans people can be gay, straight or bisexual (or may prefer another label or no label). It's also not unusual for someone's preferences to change when they transition or start heading towards living as their preferred gender. If you can imagine, being with a man as a woman is probably a very different experience to being with a man as two men together. Perhaps being the 'woman' during sex or in a relationship made your sister feel more gender dysphoric.

There is certainly a perception, whether true or not, that men are less accepting of trans people than women, especially when it comes to relationships. In my contact with other partners of trans people, women have far outnumbered men. However it might be partly that men don't wish to talk about it or seek support. Probably there will be some gay men who wouldn't accept a trans man as a man but it sounds like your sister may already know more open-minded people. There may well be difficulties in the future but you can't change that, you can only be there if things go wrong.

This is a big change for you and some people do see it as a loss. Be kind to yourself and make sure you have people you can talk to. If you don't see your sister very often that might make changes seem more sudden so if possible it might be helpful to keep in closer touch for a while.

Hope that helps.
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