FTM Help, life advice, and general listening

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FTM Help, life advice, and general listening

Postby M.N.M. » Tue Nov 29, 2016 5:54 am

I must warn anyone who reads that this will be rather pessimistic and it could be a hard read so please do so at your own discretion.
Everything stated here is with the goal of seeking consult and help.

I don't know how to start this so I'll get to the point. I'm a 20-year-old trans man, pre-t, who just sort of discovered his real gender about 3 years ago but I've always known something was wrong growing up. I am studying law as I want to help others in my country in Latin America and I also have a full-time job to pay because of my next point. Recently, I've been kicked out of my home for 'strange habits'. Now, what I mean for strange habits is being trans and acting boyish. My family members are catholic and they see this as either deeply disturbing or slightly satanic to the point that my parents openly want nothing to do with me for the rest of their lives nor continue paying for my education which takes another 3 years to finish for a masters. I don't really have a place to stay, and every single day that passes and I don't get the support or the T I need, I feel like I'm going to be a man that never passes and that terrifies me as I am already rather short at 5'6 and have always wanted a family with a husband.

I can't find comfort near gay men despite being one as they find me gross or 'butch' and I can't talk to lesbians either as many of them have considered me a traitor (true story, some do say that.) It's sort of mind numbing how much parts of the LGB just consider you a science experiment and not a person.Things don't seem to be going well, and they won't look like they're going to get any better any time soon. I would be lying if I wasn't constantly thinking over and over the fact of how much I want to die. Pessimistic and slightly disturbing, yes, but realistic. I don't want to die, but the more the doors keep closing, the more and more it seems like a viable option and the more and more that seems tempting (do, I highly recommend no one else to even fathom this as it isn't a good place to be in and to look for any sort of help like I am now.)

I just need an opinion from someone older who has probably made it and knows more about life too. Does it get better? Does looking for a guy get any better or will all gay men disregard you? how do I manage to transition? What other places I can go to for help? General life advice would be fine.

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Re: FTM Help, life advice, and general listening

Postby jaymuzz » Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:25 pm

Hey there,

I'm a 41 year old transman who didn't start transitioning till I was 32 and T happened nearly 8 years back now. I totally understand a lot of what you are saying and want to say it is never too late to transition - you have to go at your own pace with things. I'm only 5'7 but I am finding that in the company of men, I am not the shortest. Some cis guys are way shorter than me.

Whereabouts do you live? Are you UK based for your studies? I only ask as I have jumped through the UK hoops so mainly know from that side of things.

T is a really pokey drug, it overrides the female hormones fairly easily so changes happen no matter what age you start T. I think I had 3 injections and my monthlies went and my voice began to break around then too. 4 years later, I was able to grow a beard and last Xmas I grew a monster one which was ace and because I could. Hair grows in all the right places, your smell changes and goes more manly which is weird as you are so tuned in to your old smell lol. My top surgery results are ok too, had that 6 years ago so I was 35 when that happened and now I go topless and no-one notices the scars due to my hairy chest. My feet even grew a size too. And I grew an inch and a bit because I wasn't slouching and rolling my shoulders in.

Things do get better, honestly. I never thought I would be able to come out to my parents let alone transition, my mum was in denial for a bit, I was told dad was transphobic and not to come out to him and I couldn't see any way out for a while. I just kept plodding along with my journey, trying to talk to them randomly and gradually they came around. Took a while though as they do the bereavement thing till they realise they haven't lost their child, we're just i different packaging. Although I didn't have religion to deal with, I feel for you there.

My sexuality preference changed too, I've gone from a butch lesbian to now liking guys pretty much exclusively and there are some open minds out there. Just takes a bit of persistance and not giving up to break through, the more people you chat with, the more confident you will get or that is how I found it. I also found bi guys a good option till I found my feet with things. They were more receptive. Lesbians however barely talk to me for changing to the 'other' side but I realised that their opinions didn't matter to me any more as I like guys. Their issues. Lol. ;)

Places for support, are there any local groups to near where you live? Are you on FB as there are a good few secret support groups for FTMs and masculine identifying people and they are for all stages of transition, very friendly and always answer posts. I always head there to ask questions as you know you'll get honest replies. They have loads of information in the files section too.

I hope that helps, you are not alone and that is the important bit.

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