FtM Newbie - What should I do?

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FtM Newbie - What should I do?

Postby Guest » Fri Nov 25, 2016 7:43 pm

Hi. Im a young girl, through out ym life Ive been dressed as a boy from being a child right up until now. Recently my parents divorced, I lost my girlfriend. Ive become depressed and suicidal. I got help and now everything seems to be looking up and it all come to me kind of sudden that I feel as though I should be a boy. When I look at myself I dont really mind what I see, Ive picked out my new name, what Im going to do, and it all feels so good. Its just... Now that Ive told my mum and friends who thoroughly support me going ftm Im scared that if I ever want to go back to being a girl that they wont accept me, or that this is just a phase. Its takes over my every minute with anxiety and worry that everyone is so proud of me for coming out, but if its too much and I want to go back, that they will hate me. Or not accept me. Im scared they will dissaprove if I "chop and change" although they have told me that they wouldnt mind. I dont know what to do or what will put me at rest, Im getting my hair changed, getting a binder, I even broke up with my boy friend... Its just the question if I ever want to go back and this was all for nothing, or the people who wont accept me will hate me for life ever if I go back. I want to just be the boy me, but the girl me is more familiar... I dont know what to do, I cant sleep at night, I cant even do my exams, it makes me cry because Im scared. What do I do?!

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Steffi
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Re: Newbie - What should I do?

Postby Steffi » Fri Nov 25, 2016 9:52 pm

Hi

I'm Steffi, MtF, post-op by several years and it's many decades since I was a young student.
As such, I'm perhaps not best placed to empathise with you.
The FtM's don't seem to be on the forum as frequently in recent months. I know one on Facebook, I'll give him a nudge over here.

We ALL feel scared about the future when we start out. I think that many of us also wonder whether we might be in a delusion which therefore may suddenly stop. (....that's the thing about delusions.....they are SO real.) It's not vey likely though. For this to arise, there is something real behind it.

I'm sure that it would help you if you talked to and if possible met in person some others of a similar age and in a similar position.
Mermaids might be helpful for yourself and your Mum too http://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/

On the bright side, you are young (....how old are you?) and most importantly you have parental support and approval. THAT is invaluable!
"Turning back" is always unavoidably embarrassing but I'm sure that your Mum will still be supportive. Your friends would get over it - much of that depends on how YOU handle it ....... but we'll deal with that when and if it ever arises.

What you do next? I think that you probably need to start doing it, start living as who-you-think-you-are and see how you feel. That alone will probably settle your doubts.

Dunno if I've been much help, but I wanted there to be a reply here when you logged in again
Contact me privately via "steffi AT transgenderzone DOT com" Click to see Who I am

To those who understand, I extend my hand
To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am
Not under your command, I know where I stand
I won't change to fix your plan, Take me as I am (Dreamtheatre - As I Am)


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