Advice and an Open Ear

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Advice and an Open Ear

Postby Daniel-la » Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:46 pm

My name is Daniel. I am 30 years old, and I have experienced some form of gender dysphoria for as long as I can remember, from dressing up in my sister's clothes to wishing I was in their ballet classes. I always wanted to be a part of what the girls were doing, but I'll set the childhood memories aside for the moment.

Right now, I am living in a rural community. My family is very religious and conservative, and they do know that I crossdress and consider that a problem that I have. I have struggled for as long as I can remember to stop crossdressing, but I have never been able to do it. As far back as high school, I considered taking hormones and getting surgery, but was too afraid since I knew that my family would never approve. Throughout college until now, I have constantly gone back and forth between wanting to transition and merely crossdressing in the closet. Sometimes, I feel that if I don't somehow express my feminine side to someone else, I'll explode. I really want to be who I feel I am with people who can accept me that way. I know that if I ever present as female to my family, our relationship will be extremely strained. I am at the point, though, where I feel that I cannot stop or be completely male yet I also feel that I cannot fully become a woman, although I would like to.

I believe that these feelings will never just go away, however much I would like them to. I frankly wish that I didn't have this burning, almost suicidal, drive to dress, act, and feel like a woman. I wonder if I can ever find a girlfriend (I am attracted to women) or if I'll ever be able to be with my family, who are very important to me. Honestly, I am very afraid to come out of the closet, but I feel that if I don't, I might wither inside and die. I wish I could find a situation that would let me experiment with living as a woman to see if this is a decision that I really want to make. I am really just a simple person trying to live my life in the best way possible, and looking for acceptance. If I go this direction, I really want to be sure that it is the direction I want to go. Sometimes, I feel content as a man, but sometimes, I can't help but think of myself as a woman. I am really confused, and looking for help, for someone to talk to, and for some place to let these feelings out.

Thanks for letting me post!



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Re: Advice and an Open Ear

Postby Steffi » Thu Nov 17, 2016 1:50 am

Hello and welcome Daniel.

The bare essentials of your story are SO familiar.
The coming and going of the urge is extremely common - sometimes you are fairly content overall with your male life and the whole trans/dressing thing fades into the background for a while. Then it all comes back so strongly that it is the most important thing in the world.
This waxing and waning of the urge confused me throughout my life. I reasoned that if I was actually a transsexual and "born in the wrong body" then the feeling would surely be constant and unvarying. This was one of the main things which stopped me pursuing transition. (the other was that I was too masculine and would never "Pass" ....... I did not realise how much hormones would help both mentally and physically)

You are correct that regardless of whether you are a crossdresser or a transsexual, these feelings will never go away.
From what I read in your letter, it seems very likely that you are transsexual.

The reaction of parents and friends is not always as bad as anticipated. For some, although things are very difficult at first, their attitude does mellow.
My girlfriends parents are also religious and were very unaccepting ..... but they came round in the end and all is now fine.

One thing that you probably should do is immediately get your GP to refer you to a gender-identity clinic (GIC) because the waiting lists even for a first appointment are agonisingly long. Apply NOW ....... you can always cancel if you change your mind, no-one will care that you cancelled the next person in line will just get the joyful news that they are getting seen sooner.

Once you are OFFICIALLY diagnosed, that is quite a powerful argument to present to your parents - they can no longer dismiss it as a passing phase or as you being a bit kinky.
You are in some senses fortunate (as was I) in that your parents already know that you dress etc. At least they will not suffer the total shock of those parents who had no inkling until their son suddenly comes out!

btw ..... do not be concerned if your dressing also had an erotic/sexual element or purpose ...... that is very common and does not make you "less valid" as a transsexual.
Regarding your sexual inclination ....... your tastes will probably stay the same, although some do change. Personally, I liked women so am now a lesbian - although I am very occasionally interested in a guy ...... but it has to be the RIGHT guy.

You might read my reply this post viewtopic.php?f=45&t=5229 and also the things I posted from my "Who I Am" link in my signature
Contact me privately via "steffi AT transgenderzone DOT com" Click to see Who I am

To those who understand, I extend my hand
To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am
Not under your command, I know where I stand
I won't change to fix your plan, Take me as I am (Dreamtheatre - As I Am)

I have about twenty tracks of me in my prior life as a guitarist up on You-Tube, if anyone wants to check them out ... zkA/videos

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