Scared stiff to transition

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TrevorJames104

Scared stiff to transition

Postby TrevorJames104 » Mon Oct 03, 2016 10:42 pm

Hey. I'm 41 and born female. I have always wanted to be male since I was young but I have very conservative parents. My mother made sure she stuffed me into the girl box so tight I couldn't get out. She is so contolling over me even to this day that if I were to start transition now I would be disowned and belittled. She belives transgender is a mental illness and if you were born with female parts you are female and vice versa. She would never accept me as her son.
I'm well versed in the transition process because I was in a long term relationship with an ftm. So I know about hormones and surgery.
I've been thinking about my gender identity a lot lately and when I accepted it things began to fall into place. I identify as a straight male. As a woman I couldn't see myself with a man but now identifying ftm I totally see myself with a woman. I tried the lesbian thing but as a woman I couldn't be with a woman. But now it makes senses to me. I hope I made sense there.
But I need advice. I don't want to live female any longer. But don't want to have my family persecute me. I'm between a rock and a hard place.
Please offers me any advice you can.

Thank you.
T.J.

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Ice Maiden
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Re: Scared stiff to transition

Postby Ice Maiden » Wed Oct 05, 2016 11:34 am

Families can be very strange!

Often people can assume the world will stop spinning when they share the news they are trans* and in truth after the kubler-ross stages of grief they finally accept it. It is often more traumatising for them than for the trans* person ironically.

I know of many many accepting families, who, after the initial surprise, and usually 'trying to talk them out of it' realised that they had no choice.

Now, Parents, can be controlling, the term 'controlling' is a very wide one. A it can be used to protect a person, 'controlling them with reasonable force', or it can be controlling them psychologically, which is now actually a crime! See: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/ho ... 89271.html

If by 'control' you mean, she will freak out, slam doors and disown you? Then this is speculation. As until it happens you cannot be sure how it will pan out. The truth is you sound miserable, and are constanlty worried about this. This will be an increasing burden as time goes on, as if you parents age and become infirm, then you will fear the shock of telling them may kill them! If you tell them now, you maybe disowned. Yet if you want to be the man you are (if you are a man you are a man (even if you have a vagina - many men these days have them you know ;)), you already know that your mother will not be able to persuade you otherwise.

What can help is writing a letter to them sit down explain it all and post it or hand it to them and in some cases stayt with a friend for a while. Then see what happens. If you plan on a medically supported transition (t, surgery etc) it may help 'prove' you are a man. See this as a challenge and exciting rather than a stressful downer!

Hope this helps.

By far the biggest regret in 2 decades of talking to people who transition late was - "I WISH I HAD DONE IT EARLIER!"

Some may say - bite the bullet and just get on with it!
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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Re: Scared stiff to transition

Postby Ice Maiden » Wed Oct 05, 2016 11:35 am

#Replies
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

Who am I?
viewtopic.php?f=44&t=30