The hell of it all

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Steffi
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Re: The hell of it all

Postby Steffi » Sun Mar 13, 2016 4:44 pm

I have a desire to be a woman, I don't have a desire to be a poor imitation of a woman. Some people are very lucky and can pull it off quite successfully. I could not, with current technology, ever be something that I would find satisfying.

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I felt the same - I could have transitioned at 24, when depression overwhelmed me and I went to see a shrink and talked about my trans-ness.
But I knew that I would never be a 100% pass. I wanted to be a WOMAN, not a transsexual.

I reached breaking-point and transitioned almost 30 years later and now I deeply regret all of the wasted time and all of the inner misery that I secretly suffered.
I was 6 feet tall, broad shouldered and pretty much a fine figure of a man.

Although not hideous, I am a long way from being 100% pass, but it's ok.
I am at peace with who I am and in day to day life I am accepted as and treated as a woman - with the very occasional exception of some loudmouthed lout. Life is a little more difficult in some ways, but the sensation of inner peace is priceless.
Hormones also change one's mindset and attitude - until you have actually felt the experience it is impossible to understand just how different it feels to have one's body running on estrogen instead of testosterone.

I do understand your attitude - believe me, I felt the same. But eventually I reached the point of suicide and thought that as I was intending to die anyway, I might as well give it a whirl and live as a woman for a while. I did it with the expectation that I would be a shunned outcast and although I did have some problems with people's attitude etc, it was only about 1% of what I had actually expected.

If you ARE a transsexual, then that's what you are.
In that case, your statement quoted above can be read in a different way.
Instead of being a declaration of the current technology failing to meet your high standards, It says "I cannot accept who I actually am and would rather continue pretending to be something I am not"
Noting the line
I don't have a desire to be a poor imitation of a woman. Some people are very lucky and can pull it off quite successfully.
what you are saying is that if you could convincingly pretend to be a born-woman, then you would.
It is STILL pretense and actually brings it's own set of problems - e.g. you might get a boyfriend but then you need to account for why you are infertile and do not have periods. You have no history of e.g. girl's school. You live in constant fear of discovery, of being unmasked and you are dating someone on the basis of your deception who might well not accept or desire you if he knew the truth.

Peace only comes when one accepts who one really is. Having accepted it oneself, one does not care what other people know or think about it.

I do understand your stance - believe me I have been there myself. But mindsets change over time.
I hope that you do not do as I did and eventually come to an acceptance of the true situation and transition anyway only to regret all the wasted time.
- that is why so many people transition so late in life, because it takes them that long to finally break and accept who they ARE. :-)
Contact me privately via "steffi AT transgenderzone DOT com" Click to see Who I am

To those who understand, I extend my hand
To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am
Not under your command, I know where I stand
I won't change to fix your plan, Take me as I am (Dreamtheatre - As I Am)

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Ice Maiden
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Re: The hell of it all

Postby Ice Maiden » Wed Mar 16, 2016 2:09 pm

Some beautiful sentiments there Steffi very moving - almost poetic :)x
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"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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Re: The hell of it all

Postby Ice Maiden » Wed Mar 16, 2016 2:11 pm

#Replies
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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viewtopic.php?f=44&t=30

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Re: The hell of it all

Postby Cassie » Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:26 pm

This>>>>
Steffi wrote:Life is a little more difficult in some ways, but the sensation of inner peace is priceless.
Hormones also change one's mindset and attitude - until you have actually felt the experience it is impossible to understand just how different it feels to have one's body running on estrogen instead of testosterone.


We all had that 'don't know' situation, but if you're trans, you're trans. It's frightening for sure but most of us muddle through post-transition, so long as we keep our sense of humour and don't get too hung up on the small stuff. So don't be concerned about how well you 'pass' or conforming to some artificial concept of 'femininity.' You're better off looking at who you really are and what's best for you and for that you need some counselling sessions and a good deal of self exploration.


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Re: The hell of it all

Postby mnmnm » Sun Aug 14, 2016 8:40 am

that is good post



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