Mistreatment while in hospital, and post-op dilation issues

[SarahG]

Long time not posting here because things have been quite messed up.

CW: rape, sui

So I had SRS over two years ago and it did not go well. First night after the pack was out and first attempt to dilate on my own and I couldn't physically insert the thing. I wasn't strong enough, nurses had no idea what to do, so just left a note for the surgeon, I eventually got to sleep at like 4:30 am.

3 hours later and I'm woken up in screaming agony as said surgeon hasn't bothered to wake me before shoving the dilator in there. I screamed in pain and shock and he's just like "yeah, you're fine" and f*cks off, then discharges me a few hours later. I'm sent home despite never having demonstrated being able to dilate on my own.

I still haven't managed to do this, and after a month of trying gave up, the few times I thought I'd managed it, it turned out I got the wrong hole. Even touching down there is painful and the pain gives me flashbacks to what happened.


It's taken 2.5 years to get anyone to try and fix anything, probably not helped by my refusal to see the same surgeon, but on Monday I had some work done to remove granulation tissue and stretch out the hole. No-one said what I'd have to bring with me for this op, just that it's a being done under general, so I was discharged same day and was told I should've brought some dilators with me because they don't have any. Nope they're in Wales and I'm not fit to drive

Got home this evening and tried to dilate. I can't even find the hole with a finger because it hurts too much before I even get that deep, and I'm still battling flashbacks and, just no.

I can't do it.

My question is, what the f*ck do I do now? Just stop and leave it to close, have further surgery to remove said hole, just give up and kill myself? I mean I suppose I have the advantage of being a lesbian, so the first two options are viable.

Help.

[Ice Maiden]

This sounds like a nitemare

The issue here seems to be your relationship with the original surgeon.

You do not say who this was? But if you do not want to name them you can just say their hospital and maybe their initial? Most could work it out from that Like it was Mr X at Charing Cross (not a real person btw).

It seems you have petitioned the NHS (I assume it was NH in the UKS? Or was it private?) and had an admission to stretch the vagina after it had closed due to lack of dilation? But by the time you had returned home you found your muscle walls had contracted sufficiently to be unable to insert the dilator adequately?

It is true that it can be very painful to insert the dilator and there are techniques you can employ to angle it gently and as you insert you push it towards the anus in a curve as the anal passage can move and collapse (for obvious reasons) me easily than the pubic area.

It may we be that you need much smaller dilators.

When you leave hospital you are usually provided with a couple of dilators. These were/are manufactured by a company call Pheonix Surgical Instruments Ltd and they make a range off dilators sizes that you can purchase privately. They trade via this website but you can call them https://www.steris-ims-instruments.com/ ... cological/ Manufacturer in Hoddesdon, England
Address: 14B Pindar Rd, Hoddesdon EN11 0BZ
Hours:
Open ⋅ Closes 5PM
Phone: 01992 479444

It maybe wise to buy the smallest size you can get (speak to them) which is smaller than the one hospitals give you and use PLENTY of KY Jelly or Aquagel and slowly insert this again make sure you are not inserting the dilator into the URETHRA!!!. Then leave it there watch a TV show for 30 mins then carefully slide it out and move to the next size do the same and repeat until you get to the first size provided by the hospital. You may find by then you have had enough and stop. Wait 2 days and do this again. After a couple of weeks you should be able to start with the smallest hospital size and just use that alone for a few weeks dilate every day!!!

Then attempt the next size up and work with that every day abut not before you have used the smaller sizes first then end with the larger sizes.

This may take a month or more. But at that stage you should find it all a bit easier.

Remember if you suffer from soreness you may need to remove the larger dilator at the end use a water douche make sure it is not sharp and use a narrow one and lube that too give on good squeeze to rinse out. This can be difficult so get a piece of plastic sheet, Plastic table cloth or a strong dustbin bag rest it on the edge of your bed and create a water chute into a washing up bowl and when you douche it just pours down into the bowl dry off dry plastic bag and then you can apply some cream this is recommended Betamethasone Valerate 0.1% Rub this on the smallest dilator and slide it in do not douche afterwards and leave the coating on the internal skin.

In the meantime there is no harm in continuing to press for revision surgery or at least another exploratory examination. It maybe possible top ask you GP for a Gynecologist/urologist in your local hospital to examine you as cisgender women do often need to dilate as well so this is not something beyond their knowledge or skillset!

This is complicated as we only have your side of the story but we will do our best to support you with tips and advice such as this. Again speak to your GP and maybe take a printed copy of our response here to give them some ideas.

[Ice Maiden]

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