dazed and confused

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Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2016 11:23 pm

dazed and confused

Postby nana » Wed Aug 10, 2016 11:38 pm

ok- here's the deal - i am in Texas USA- land of the cowboy and all that.in a very small rural town. grandson turned 16 last month, 3 yr ago he approached me and told me he was "bi", has had a ton of girlfriends etc but no male friends- has Aspergers Autism (diagnosed at 8) and told me he has known since he was about 9 that he is bi- his mother tried to stab him and his dad when he was 4- so he has PTSD along with aspergers and ADD= so confusing I know... hasnt seen or heard from his mother in 11 yrs

in 10th grade - 2014- his step sister (same school) told his dad he had been offering sex to the boys at school so he was immediately removed and home schooled until january 2016- he was main streamed again and is doing well. he associates himself with the lesbians and other bi- students. last week he confided in me that he thinks he is more female than male and doesnt know where to turn... he is 5'10 140# size 10.5 shoe (not feminine)
his dad was livid when he "came out" two yrs ago, so there is no way in hell he is going to accept this trans announcement. Grandson had an appt with his doc today and he told her in confidence about his feeling, she suggested he give it time to develop on its own and not rush the medication thing.

I try to be the shoulder for him to lean on, but with aspergers and PTSD and ADD and gender confusion, I have no basis to help him.

Should he try wearing some female clothes? I asked him why he felt he was in the wrong body as he doenst know what a female feels like anymore than I know what a male feels like.

can I get a dialogue started here > please


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Re: dazed and confused

Postby Steffi » Fri Aug 12, 2016 6:22 am

Hello nana

I am pleased to know that he has you to confide in and discuss things with - it is no small thing for a MAN to admit even to himself that he wants to be a girl. Being trans is a hard road. A gay guy can walk down the street and no-one knows he is gay (unless he dresses and/or acts extremely camp) whereas being trans means that one is presenting as female and runs the risk of being Read (recognised as trans) at any moment.

Are you sure that he hasn't already been wearing women's clothes? That it is just not something that he is able to admit to you yet?

If a male has the compulsion to wear women's clothes then there is no cure. No treatment has ever been found to be effective and suppression and denial only leads to deep unhappiness and probably extreme depression.

If he is considering Transition (changing sex) then the best thing would be to get him started on puberty-blocking medication as soon as possible.
PB's are not female hormones and will not start to feminise his body. They will however halt his male puberty and this is important. Testosterone makes changes to the body which are either irreversible or else expensive and painful to undo. Halting the progression of his further development as male will give him the best chance of Passing as a born-female (cis-woman) if he does decide to transition.
If he decides to not transition, then the PB's can be stopped and his normal male development will resume.

The shape our body becomes is totally down to which hormone predominates at puberty. The effect of estrogen is stronger the younger you start taking it and the less testosterone has done it's work on the body already.

Some males dress only for sexual excitement. Some do it for a deep sense of peace. Some do it for both of those reasons, all without taking up living as female full-time or ever taking any hormones.
But for some - even if they do also have some sexual excitement from dressing - it is not enough to just dress periodically. Some people desperately need to live as women 24/7 and to become as female as hormones and surgery can make them.

Only grandson knows whether he feels that strongly about it. He may not yet be ready to accept it and admit it to himself let alone anyone else. But somewhere deep inside himself he almost certainly knows.

How feminine his body or mannerisms are is irrelevant. Some huge burly men with a gruff manner and a face like a bulldog suddenly leave a very manly occupation such as being in the army and transition. Eventually they can't cope any longer and they snap.
(I was 6-feet tall, size 11 shoe, extremely broad-shouldered and not in the least effeminate. It took me until my 50's to finally snap and transition. So many decades wasted ........ I have a peace in my heart that I never had as a male. I tried drugs and other things. I never realised what the cure was until I transitioned and suddenly all that inner suffering was gone)

The question of "how do you know you feel like a girl?" is impossible to answer but not being able to answer it does not "prove" anything or devalue his feelings.

Whilst I do fully understand the doubt and scepticism of "normal people" who have never felt this, you just have to take grandson's word for it.
- as I already pointed out NO-ONE would go into changing sex just on a whim or for a lark. If someone says that they think it is right for them then you just have to trust their judgement on it. :-)

Whether he does pursue transition or not, if he has someone to support him and somewhere to dress, make-up and practice acting as female then I am sure he will be much happier in general.
Contact me privately via "steffi AT transgenderzone DOT com" Click to see Who I am

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