Doubts about transitionning

2666
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Doubts about transitionning

Postby 2666 » Thu Jul 07, 2016 11:00 am

Hi !
I'm Alice and I think I want to start a transition MtF. However, I am afraid to make a mistake. I mean : if there were no social pression and a wizard told me that I could be a girl right know I am sure I would say yes and the answer would be the same since I am 14 (I am 20 now). My problem is that :
-if I start a transition, I lose my girlfriend that I truly love (I am a lesbian)
-Unlike what I can often read I wasn't so feminine when I was very young, it was only when my puberty began that I started to reject my body.
-Even if everybody says "it's ok if you don't pass", for me it's not ok at all. If I transition and if I don't pass, I won't take it well, I know it.
-I am afraid to be alone for the rest of my life, as a lesbian, I'm not sure to find any one
- I am anorexic and depressive since I am 14 (I think this is because of my gender troubles) and I know that when I am alone, I start to not eat and as I become weaker and weaker I become more depressed and I know that HRT may make you depressive so I fear that transition maybe very hard for me.
-I get the impression that I am steeling something if I become a girl. I feel that I don't deserve it. Sometimes I have a male behaviour like being to much sure of me or speaking too loud and I hate myself for that so maybe I am not a girl after all.

So I told all my problems but I really feel that I can't get threw life if I remain a man. I mean I have come to stop rejecting my body but I need that the society and the people who I talk to consider me as a woman (and not as a man and, worse as a trans). I don't want to be considered as a trans... All this fear make me very moody. One day I am sure that I want to transition and the other I don't know. I am afraid because I don't recognize myself in the testimonies that I read on the internet and I think I could not be a trans after all, just a depressed person half mad or I don't know.

So please, just say to me what you think, and if someone is or has been in the same case, I would really want to speak to her / him.

PS : I am sorry for my English, I'm French so I must have done some mistakes.

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Ice Maiden
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Re: Doubts about transitionning

Postby Ice Maiden » Tue Jul 26, 2016 1:20 pm

Everything you say suggests you need to transition. It maybe you will pass OK, if not you will find a community that will accept you there are many groups and supportive friends out there.

What seems to me is that you cannot continue as you are now, as it is making you ill, both mentally and physically.

It is a trite response to say visit your doctor and explain all this so they can refer you to a gender clinic as soon as possible. You probably already know this. But perhaps just need some reassurance all will be well?

The truth is we cannot know for certain how things will work out. But is is often and more surprisingly a lot less of a deal than you'd think.

Many who transition state exactly what you have and yet once they do transition wonder why they waited and most people could not care less about them as they have their own worries and problems.

Try not to worry and start your transition - and see how it goes. You can always change your mind - but I doubt you will based on what you have said ;)

Good Luck! And keep us updated! [yesss] :thumbup: :wave: :cool: [yesss] [yesss] [yesss]
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Re: Doubts about transitionning

Postby Ice Maiden » Tue Jul 26, 2016 1:21 pm

#Replies
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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2666
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:19 am

Re: Doubts about transitionning

Postby 2666 » Wed Jul 27, 2016 4:31 pm

Oh thank you so much for answering me ! Well I am going to see a doctor but now it is complicated because I'm not at my home. I think I will go on the end of August. I am a student and I begin a new year in September. I thought that I should start to be full time at this moment even if I don't have HRT, so people can start thinking directly as a girl (or at list a Tgirl).

What do you think? Is it better to not pass but that people don't know you as a boy or waiting HRT and start full time when you pass?


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Re: Doubts about transitionning

Postby Ice Maiden » Fri Jul 29, 2016 4:14 pm

There is little doubt that in my experience (read the disclaimer blow my sig ;) first). And that is almost 2 decades of agony. That by far the greatest regret is not doing this sooner!

Pass or don't pass - get on with it :) You can always back out later and you will pass better as you grow in confidence and other simply just get used to you and one day the world spins on and you are the real you and noon notices anymore. But as you want this and you heart no doubt pounds and adrenalin flows as you ask for guidance it is the real you under there and they want to get out and be free!

Bet I am right and have yet never met you ;) [yesss] [yesss] [yesss] :shrugs: :problem: :problem: :problem: :gigglersx: :wtf: :D :think: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :wink:
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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