Coming Out?

Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 24, 2016 4:55 pm

Coming Out?

Postby Blairc_123 » Tue May 24, 2016 5:24 pm

Hi! I'm 15 years old, and throughout my life I've always felt that I was a girl inside. Even as little as 3 years old, I would go to my friends house and play dress up, and I always wanted to dress up as a girl, and be a princess. I don't even think I knew I wasn't a girl. I've always been very feminine, more than even my sisters, and am even usually mistaken for a girl on the phone (when I had longer hair people thought I was a girl in real life too).

Long story short, I know that I'm transgender. I know transgender people don't need to "pass", but that's something that I've always wanted. I started puberty very late, so I feel like I have an opportunity to become the girl that I've always dreamed about. I really want puberty blockers.

However, this is where we run into a problem. My family is atheist, or at least non religious (no one talks about religion or anything), so I'm very lucky in that respect. However, they're also very traditional, especially my mother and one of my sisters. They have a very binary view on gender; any male that isn't completely masculine, they consider weird. The infuriating thing is that they don't hold this view for women at all, my sister (not the one with traditional views) was very tomboyish, especially in her childhood and adolescence, and no one cared. When I do anything remotely feminine, my other especially is quick to criticise. She even made me stop seeing my friends a few years ago because I was in a large group of friends that were all girls. Ironically, my new male friends that I use to "prove" my gender to her are actually very effeminate, with one of which even being gay. So anyway, you get my point, she is very judgemental about guys not being masculine. As for my sister, a few days ago she was looking through her Instagram and found pictures of someone she knew. He was a gay guy that did makeup, and wasn't transgender, but cross dressed and wore makeup in his Instagram to show his work to clients basically. She scrolled through them with a scowl and kept commenting on how weird he was. This was extremely discouraging for me. The worst part was when she asked me why I wasn't saying anything bad about him, so I defended him and pointed out that she was being nasty, and she replied "Well I suppose that's true, but still..." I don't know if this is her view on transgender people or if it was just because he was dressing like a women even though he wasn't transgender, but it's still discouraging.

The only thing that's slightly uplifting is that I know everyone is okay with gay people. My mother even jokes about me having a husband when I grow up, and although she's joking, she makes it clear that she would be okay with that.

So I want to come out and receive puberty blockers desperately, but I'm really afraid of the reaction. My original plan was to secretly start a transition after I moved out, but now I really want puberty blockers to stop myself from developing any further as male.I'm very fortunate to have a family that wouldn't disown me or kick me out or anything like many transgender people, but I'm just worried that I'll disappoint them.

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Posts: 73
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 6:50 pm

Re: Coming Out?

Postby Alan » Mon Jun 20, 2016 10:22 pm

Sorry for the belated response, it's my first time back on the forum after a shamefully long period of absence.

I guess my family situation was fairly similar to yours. They didn't have much exposure to the LGBT community so it was something they considered weird or embarrassing, but I felt safe enough to come out without worrying that I was going to be made homeless. Their initial reaction was not overwhelmingly positive but I think they just needed some time to get over the shock and realise that it didn't mean I was going to spend the rest of my life as some sort of social pariah! These days both my parents are very supportive as they can see how much happier I am.

I was a few years older than you before I had the courage to come out. 10 years on and my only regret is not doing it sooner. Eventually I just reached the point where I realised I had to do something for me, rather than trying to please other people.

Hopefully some of this rambling is helpful to someone somewhere :-)

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