A little help, please?

Andi
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Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:03 pm

A little help, please?

Postby Andi » Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:42 pm

Hello. I'll try to keep this brief and I tend to think bullet points speed things up a bit:
1. I'm 51 years old, married, born male, moderately effeminate, pretty sure I'm female.
2. Depressed (prescribed happy pills, not taking them yet) for last few years but always been unhappy. More recently. Couldn't tell Dr the real reason.
3. Pre puberty I was fascinated with mum's clothes, post puberty, not.
4. Pre puberty I was fascinated with mum's jewellery, especially earrings, post puberty more so.
5. Always went to bed wishing I would wake up a girl, maybe less so when the kids were little as I really focused on that (stay at home dad).
6. Hate my body. Can't look at it, won't let anyone else look at it. Wear trousers on holiday, don't do swimming. Go to the gym a lot, presumably to change my body but clearly not in the right way. I've actually got a very good body for a man, which makes it worse for me.
7. Sex life is rubbish if I'm expected to be male, great if I can be female (wife has no idea). Attracted mainly to women and some effeminate men.
8. I can't recall a single time when I've liked being male. It does nothing for me at all. Never has. Hate it.
9. Here's the strange bit - I have a real problem with what people think of me (I mean a REAL problem) and as a consequence, I have no desire to dress as a woman or make up as a woman BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL LOOK LIKE A DRAG QUEEN, and not a very good one. It goes deeper in that I don't want to even do it in private because I WILL KNOW I'm not a proper woman. I can't even pierce my ears for fear of what people will say!! If I could wake up a real woman, I'd give anything to do that.
10. I can't and won't tell anyone because if I did, I'd die of shame, embarrassment and many other emotions. I can't stress enough how big this problem of what people think about me is. I know most people don't give a cr*p but it's my perceptions that are the issue. Please don't belittle it because it's a definite thing. A huge thing.

So, am I really transgender (ie am I a woman?) if I don't want to look the part, given the reasons above? One thing I could do (and maybe do within the parameters of being judged) is to run away to another country with a liberal outlook. Lesbos before it got ruined? Seems a bit drastic though!

I just want to know what I am.

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Ice Maiden
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Re: A little help, please?

Postby Ice Maiden » Sun May 01, 2016 12:54 pm

Hello. I'll try to keep this brief and I tend to think bullet points speed things up a bit: 1. I'm 51 years old, married, born male, moderately effeminate, pretty sure I'm female. 2. Depressed (prescribed happy pills, not taking them yet) for last few years but always been unhappy. More recently. Couldn't tell Dr the real reason. 3. Pre puberty I was fascinated with mum's clothes, post puberty, not. 4. Pre puberty I was fascinated with mum's jewellery, especially earrings, post puberty more so. 5. Always went to bed wishing I would wake up a girl, maybe less so when the kids were little as I really focused on that (stay at home dad). 6. Hate my body. Can't look at it, won't let anyone else look at it. Wear trousers on holiday, don't do swimming. Go to the gym a lot, presumably to change my body but clearly not in the right way. I've actually got a very good body for a man, which makes it worse for me. 7. Sex life is rubbish if I'm expected to be male, great if I can be female (wife has no idea). Attracted mainly to women and some effeminate men. 8. I can't recall a single time when I've liked being male. It does nothing for me at all. Never has. Hate it. 9. Here's the strange bit - I have a real problem with what people think of me (I mean a REAL problem) and as a consequence, I have no desire to dress as a woman or make up as a woman BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL LOOK LIKE A DRAG QUEEN, and not a very good one. It goes deeper in that I don't want to even do it in private because I WILL KNOW I'm not a proper woman. I can't even pierce my ears for fear of what people will say!! If I could wake up a real woman, I'd give anything to do that. 10. I can't and won't tell anyone because if I did, I'd die of shame, embarrassment and many other emotions. I can't stress enough how big this problem of what people think about me is. I know most people don't give a cr*p but it's my perceptions that are the issue. Please don't belittle it because it's a definite thing. A huge thing. So, am I really transgender (ie am I a woman?) if I don't want to look the part, given the reasons above? One thing I could do (and maybe do within the parameters of being judged) is to run away to another country with a liberal outlook. Lesbos before it got ruined? Seems a bit drastic though! I just want to know what I am.


It seems you have already self-diagnosed yourself.

It is umlikely anyone will 'tell you what you are or how you feel' not even psychiatrists can be sure. They simply work with trans* or gender variant people to try and encourage them to open up and be honest about their feelings and from there decide together.

So Transgender Zone is not going to say - you are trans* Designated Male at Birth but female and need surgery and HRT ASAP :)

But I suspect part of me feels that is what you want someone to tell you.

Listen, some people pass really well as girls - some do not. But society is getting better with all this. The irony is those that pass the best as the gender they transition to, now see enough cash in it to state they are transgender. As being trans* is marketable and of interest still (for now). So those that are very handsome and beautiful state they used to (or still do have a penis) cos it gets them work. The mind boggles but thats the media for you. After all a lot of trans* in the media, if you imagine just for a moment they were not trans* and just a regular cis girl or boy, they simply wouldn't be there.

The point I am trying to make is you are unlikely to 'wake-up' a girl. If you are already one with a male exterior. Then you have to investigate the best way of bringing your outward appearance into line with your internal feelings.

Sure it is not easy, we do have an NHS so speak to your doc in confidence first. However, there is nothing stopping anyone saving up working two jobs and having facial surgery... But one step at a time.
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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Ice Maiden
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Re: A little help, please?

Postby Ice Maiden » Sun May 01, 2016 12:56 pm

#Replies
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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Andi
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:03 pm

Re: A little help, please?

Postby Andi » Sun May 01, 2016 3:28 pm

Thank you. I think you read me pretty well. We all need a little reassurance now and again and even though the waking up thing is never going to happen, isn't it a gorgeous dream to have?!

Then you have to investigate the best way of bringing your outward appearance into line with your internal feelings.


And therein lies the dilemma. The people who know me, well or in passing, worry me far more than strangers. The only way I can envisage changing outwardly (if only!) would be to run away to a place where no one knows me and the attitudes are much more liberal than they are in the petty middle England location I currently exist in. Another dream perhaps.

I've never really researched this (I didn't even know what cis was) because I'll be honest, it both scares me and upsets me. Scares me because I've been in denial for so very long and upsets me because I'm such a coward and can never be as brave as you all are. There's also the beating myself up with regret - if only I'd acted upon these feelings when I was a teenager then at least I'd have passed and I would have had the rest of my life. Instead...here I am at 51 with this abhorrent male body of mine. Life really does suck.

So thank you for taking the time to reply to me. It was appreciated and it was nice to be able to open up a little. Maybe it's all about little steps?

Andi


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Re: A little help, please?

Postby Ice Maiden » Mon May 02, 2016 4:58 pm

The 'easiest' way is to join a support group far away from your home town - or become friends with some who attend and maybe they will pick you up or put you up.

It depends where you are, but attending a support group allows you to not only be in 'male mode' to begin with, but express yourself get advice and even get all glammed up. It is terrifying at first but as time goes on it become less of an issue and you can see the reaction in another place before you commit at home. What people usually find is most people could not care less, and although you maybe flavour of the month for a while - people get bored and move on t the next thing...

I would call Rona (a good friend of this site) she is Vice President of The Beaumont Society and here is how to contact her :)x

http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/rona-rees/

Tell her you got the info from Transgender Zone Team - she will know... She will be able to connect you up with a person in your region who can help further. It is important tostrt to do something about this. You are clearly hurting. If that is just socialising and being open about your feelings with like-minded souls then so be it. You may well enjoy it :)

IM
Disclaimer!!!! Please Read! http://media.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=2

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

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