Really in need of help right now

[lucifersangel87]

Hey ladies,

I'm in a bit of a bad place right now. I know it's been ages since I posted last (slap on the wrist for me). I went through my en-man phase, and it took over my life to such a point that I forgot I was anything but 100% biological man.

Currently I am on a business trip in Manchester, and I am so so so upset and confused. I know that i'm a man, I know that I am getting married in 2 months to a girl who makes my life complete, but i've actually had a few to drink and have just wandered down canal steet back to my hotel and i'm starting to get the idea that I should just jack everything in and be the girl I am inside.

I will never be a natural girl, and that's what I want inside. But I need to be who I know I was born into - the man I am.

I know that alcohol isn't always the best thing for clearing one's own head, but I am actually crying whilst I type this - which isn't good.

And the worst part is that I know tomorrow - I will be back to believing that I am nothing more than man squared.

My fiancee will not accept that I am two people, but despite that, I love her dearly and she loves me dearly too.

Everything is just so effed up right now, and I just need someone to talk to. :'(

I get the feeling I am both Male and Female. I want to be both. I'd miss being male if I was to transition. But i'll never successfully transition without leaving my male side behind.

and the thoughts of harming myself won't go away either, despite the fact that I know it won't do me any good, and that i'll just end up hurting everyone else, which I don't want to do.

AAAAAARGHHHHHHH

Sorry for the rant and thanks in advance,

Martin / Kelly / Whoever my mind feels like being right now.

[Sandra21]

Hi^^

You can talk with me if you want.

I'm sorry about your situation... :S

My situation is not cool too, I'm a female in a male body...

[lucifersangel87]

Hi Sandra. Would be nice to talk to someone at least.
As expected today the urge to transition has gone. But I need to understand myself more. Does anyone know a good blogging tool to record thoughts and how feminine I feel? Preferably android compatible?