Just how do you change back without looking dumb?

Changed your mind about changing gender roles? Discuss it here.
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Ice Maiden
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Just how do you change back without looking dumb?

Postby Ice Maiden » Tue Dec 11, 2012 3:29 pm

This is an interesting one.

What can happen is transpeople can quickly become carried along on the gender clinic rip-tide.

Or their friends change to transpals.

Then suddenly you think this is not for me.

At this point you are left with a dilemma, as what if you de-transition and then change your mind yet again?

This could weaken and ply your care managers with doubts about your sincerity.

How can someone be taken seriously if they are not committed (no mental health pun intended).

But what if they need more time? What if by at least testing the trans water you become a better man as a result once knowing what it was like to be a woman - perhaps it should be compulsory for all gender docs to live as women for a month full time ;)

Seriously though, have you ever had doubts, and do those with doubts risk undermining the 'genuine' cases? As it can appear to be a 'choice' when for many it is not.
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WeWantWaffles
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Be Yourself

Postby WeWantWaffles » Wed Dec 12, 2012 12:17 am

There's definitely no shame in de-transitioning, because the best thing to do is to stay true to yourself. (how corny does that sound really? xD)

But as far as I can tell, the typical role of either gender would not fascinate you. Would you 'really' want to go back to facial hair as an ex-MtF? Would you accept the title of 'sir' or 'ma'am' again, and all the treatment that comes with it? I think at that point I would explore things that aren't specifically male or female; find my place in the world as an androgyne most likely.

Of course, if you really truly 'know' that you were wrong and male is your thing without a doubt, then you do have a bit of a problem on your hands depending on how far you've gone into it, and how many you have told. When it comes to these things, surely confidence is the key. It's difficult to admit that you've possibly made a mistake, but at least this is an experience, and you know yourself a little better because of it.

I'd be so happy if I could come up with a single miraculous reply that explains how you could pull off de-transitioning without it being embarrassing and/or awkward. But really - you'll look silly to other people, because anyone who transitions also looks/looked silly to these people.

Be yourself. Life is short and all the petty nonsense others will throw at you is as meaningless as anything else on this orbiting rock in the middle of nowhere. There is no such thing as eternal humiliation, and we so often praise individuals who were brave enough to make their own choices. Make your own choices and find your way in life; be brave, and become the person you want to be. Forget anyone who gives you cr*p over it!

.. is my opinion ^_^

I'd like to add that I do have doubts on occasion, but then I think about my voice, what my appearance could one day be, my clothes, make-up and the treatment of other people. Anytime I'm told I am a mister/sir, I get annoyed! In spite of that, I do still doubt sometimes. I actually would love to discuss how I feel about transitioning with someone at great length, but I don't know who would spare the time and who has the right amount of experience. Volunteers may poke me! xD
- Sarah
And at the end of it all, I just want them to say; "Oh, that Sarah. She was a pretty awesome chick."

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Steffi
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Re: Just how do you change back without looking dumb?

Postby Steffi » Sun Dec 16, 2012 6:18 pm

"Just how do you change back without looking dumb?"

You obviously can't.
People who knew will never forget that you once did this.
On the plus side though, if you had trans feelings strong enough to ever start down this route, then they aren't ever going to go away.

Having taken the huge step of transitioning and outing yourself totally, at least you are no longer confined by any secrecy.
So you just tell people that living as female full time and having surgery etc wasn't for you and you prefer part time. Then you just get on with your life and present as you choose. I don't really see that it's much more embarrassing than coming ot in the first place.
You could tell a half truth and say that you still feel the same but tragically the hormones didn't agree with you.

Of course changing back post-op is a different matter and just makes you look like an utter prat - which you would be IMHO.
That was something that niggled at my mind pre-op - I wondered how many who had gone through the whole journey including surgery did have secret regrets but were too embarrassed to own up?
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Re: Just how do you change back without looking dumb?

Postby Cassie » Sun Dec 16, 2012 6:25 pm

Of course changing back post-op is a different matter and just makes you look like an utter prat - which you would be IMHO


I'd have to disagree with you there Steffi. There are any amount of reasons why someone might change back post-op and most of those are external, societal reasons such as non-acceptance, loss of family etc etc. It's very sad but it happens.


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Re: Just how do you change back without looking dumb?

Postby Steffi » Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:28 am

I don't see a problem really if a person goes partway through and then realises that it's not for them.
Reversing out is the only sensible course.

But no-one pushes you into surgery.
You have time to make the evaluation - they FORCE you to have time.
So if you go through with it without being sure that all your issues are resolved, then you're a dumba*s.

You do your RLE properly. Sit on the toilet and no standing peeing in doorways etc, because one day yo won't have that option.
You go out into the streets and if you don't pass well then you learn to handle the abuse etc that you get and you assess whether you can take this for the rest of your life.
That's the REAL Life Experience.
- if you cheat that.....run off home at the first insult and only come out of your room to go to your GIC appointments, then you're a dumba*s

"Just how do you change back without looking dumb?"
If you were daft enough to get your balls cut off without being certain then you can't.
Contact me privately via "steffi AT transgenderzone DOT com" Click to see Who I am

To those who understand, I extend my hand
To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am
Not under your command, I know where I stand
I won't change to fix your plan, Take me as I am (Dreamtheatre - As I Am)

I have about twenty tracks of me in my prior life as a guitarist up on You-Tube, if anyone wants to check them out
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QKYu ... zkA/videos



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