So-called "De-transition"

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Different_Trains
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So-called "De-transition"

Postby Different_Trains » Sat Dec 08, 2012 9:17 pm

I'm sure anyone who's been reading my blog has noticed that I have been having a tough time with doubts etc, and so as a result, I googled to see if anyone has had similar experiences, and what to expect if I do decide to go back, what other ways there are to deal with dysphoria, etc. That's what I did when I was first coming to terms with having gender issues in the first place about 2 years ago.

Except if you do search here or on google, you'll notice there's a huge gap. Very few search results come up. An awkward silence. Nobody wants to talk about de-transition. I was wondering why this is. Another interesting thing is that of the few results there are, nearly all are those who identified as FtM, rather than MtF, despite the statistics showing that MtF's are more common.

Why do transpeople not talk about those who decide to take a different path or deal with dysphoria in other ways? Do transpeople feel this is a betrayal? Are we living our lives in some way through other people and feel disappointed when someone decides to not continue a transition, or to not go as far as we have gone or want to go? Do some transpeople feel some insecurity and worry that by discussing the idea that may bring up doubts in their own minds? Are transpeople worried that by discussing the idea, they will fuel those who don't believe in or oppose transition through their own closed-mindedness? Are some transpeople equally in denial that people de-transition as some cisgendered people are about transpeople?

And why do those who have de-transitioned not talk about it? Is it shame of what they have been through? Have they gone back to being in denial? Why not be proud that they had the guts to go on that journey of self-discovery? Why not be proud that through having (some of) the experiences a transperson has, they are more open-minded both about transpeople and about what the other gender experiences?

I don't particularly agree with the term de-transition - if I did go back, I'd be going back to some kind of gender fluid person in a male body, not back to the male I was, or back in denial. I'd be richer and wiser for the experiences I've had, so it wouldn't be a case of turning the clock back or undoing things like that suggests. I can't think of a better term for it though. I've heard some people use re-transition, but that still doesn't sound right to me.

Anyone got any ideas or thoughts about this under-discussed issue? I think it's important for transpeople to discuss this. The irony is that by ignoring ideas, people often unwittingly give them more power.

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Steffi
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Re: So-called "De-transition"

Postby Steffi » Sun Dec 09, 2012 2:21 am

Go to Susan's forum. They have an entire section for people who can't or won't transition and another for Gender fluid
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Cassie
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Re: So-called "De-transition"

Postby Cassie » Sun Dec 09, 2012 11:30 am

As Steffi says - I've encountered loads of people who de-transition on forums and it's not a crime. Some people realise they made a terrible mistake. Others get cold feet. There are a few people who've made more than one attempt to transition before they eventually do (or don't). This is why we have RLE. There are no rules here and it's not a competition; it's about finding what's right for YOU.

I suspect a lot of people - like me - have read your blog and not felt able to contribute because the way forward is something for you alone. When I transitioned it was so clearly the right thing to do that I became more confident and moved quicker. You're obviously having a different experience.

Can you call it "de-transition" though? I don't like the word at all as it conjures an image of failure which is wholly inappropriate to the nature of what is taking place. You are trying to find yourself and that can't be measured against the experiences of others with different lives or indeed any set process. For now I think you are clear that you are not a "man"; however you are not sure that you're a "woman" either. You've tried both, and neither felt quite right.

FWIW there are loads of people now living outside the gender binary http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2012/12/06/transgender-dinosaurs-and-rise-genderqueers?page=0%2C0. I know one or two. Society still has a little way to go to get used to the fact and the English language doesn't help much either, but you would be joining a growing group. Alternatively with time you may grow back towards the masculine or decide to complete the transition that you've started. I see no reason to rush and jump into any particular box if that's not right for you.

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Re: So-called "De-transition"

Postby JustMe » Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:40 pm

Well, I for one don't see you as any less of a person regardless of which way your journey takes you. To me, that's what RLE is for - to make sure that you are absolutely sure of your decision. Once on the 'other side' there is no going back. So, the decision is yours and yours alone - whatever others may think is irrelevant. I think it has taken a lot of courage to stay and discuss what you are feeling - it certainly makes me think about what I am doing and I hope it makes others 'stop and think' too. Thanks very much.

K x.
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Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyse you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.--Bernice Johnson Reagon

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Ice Maiden
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Re: So-called "De-transition"

Postby Ice Maiden » Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:44 pm

I think it is a good topic we could create a sub forum for this - what do you think?
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