I was/am very masculine appearing and have been since a toddler and yet I had no idea why I was like that,gender didn’t register to me, I got badly bullied for it because my mum and dad Got me into the same primary school as my sister instead of the special school lined up for me,so i was beaten with rulers by the teachers and restrained every day due to reacting to bullies-nothing was ever done about them. the ‘funny‘ thing is,my sister didn’t protect me,she joined in the bullying and did some very brutal things to me.
When I first went to the new doctors to get sent to a GIC, they said no because I apparently didn’t have the mental capacity to understand gender,a lot of waiting and complaining,and changing GP in the same surgery I found one who said he woud leave it up to the specialist to decide if I had the mental capacity to know what I was doing. So I was put on the waiting list for Tavistock and Portman ,the manager at my then care home was hiding all the letters and forms from me in her locked drawer,so I got discharged without knowing.
a few years later when she got sacked I found out she had all my letters hidden.she apparently was very anti LGBT and referred to me as her/she and my old name,even though no one had ever said it for years as it was shortened by them. I had to go back on the beginning of the waiting list, but I met the best specialist for me,hecspecialises in gender issues in people with autism and ID,he said I have very pronounced gender dysphoria and because I had been outwardly Presenting as male my whole life (My two support staff had asked my parents for a lot of info and I had brought along lots of photos to prove it) I didn’t have to wait,and he got me started on testogel, he said I was to fat for nebido injections (I loved his honesty,I know other people who have gone to him though and were left feeling upset).
however, I was given a blood test a while later, and without thinking I had put the testogel on the arm they took the sample from,and they said I had the highest amount of testosterone above any biological male in the world,you woud think that woud make them question the test but they reduced my testosterone by half and ever since I have been having horrible periods again periods making my dysphoria deeply profound, they keep testing me every now and again but they forget to remind my support staff to not put the testosterone on that day,which is what another specialist at the gender clinic told us to do.
I had gotten the two signatures for surgery last October one of the specialists was horrible and kept saying I didn’t have the mental capacity To choose,but it looks like my first specialist had said something to her as I was signed off for surgery this year and you have to use it within 12 months otherwise you got to get two more signatures meaning two more years of appointments I think.......ah yes, this year.the year of the pandemic.
I haven’t even got a letter off the surgeon like was supposed to happen,they said I had to lose a few BMI points-like six, I don’t know if I have done that but I have lost weight during lockdown which is hard enough for anyone through lockdown let alone if you are physically disabled. No good any way as it’s not like they will do it this year,my neurologist who is so supportive of my trans journey said they will carry it over to next year because of the situation.
I use full length underworks binders,which help but not enough,I haven’t been judged yet once at my day centre or specialist art studio though which makes me very happy,it’s sad that I shoud be expecting to be judged every time and to fight my corner.
Thankyou so much if you got through that, and I hope you are all doing well!
