Pls help me,I dont know either I'm trans or not

[Nevada]

So,hi everybody!
I'm not native English,so pls dont be mad,if I have some problems with grammar. I'm a 19 year old female (biologically).

So,it started at age 6-7,I was a typical tomboy,I liked to shop at the men's section and really hated all of the girly stuff. I always wanted to play with boys and basically I've always had only boy friends. At age 11-12 I just tried to convince myself,that I'm not a boy,I should be a girl, like I'm biologically a girl so I cant change it.I was always afraid(and I am now aswell) to speak about it,it's a secret of mine. Until this year,I almost believed it and tried to be a women/girl,date boys etc. but I always had a strange feeling.I just wanted to be called "he" and be treated like a male. I had soo many dreams about being a boy. Why I'm really uncertain about my gender is that I'm not attracted to girl so much. I've always seen the videos of trans persons,that they liked girl,had crush on a same gender person etc. but I didnt. I just imagined,how I could treat a girl as a boy,like I know what a girl wants (or something else). I'm scared of the society of my current country,because it's a post-soviet country and with this problem I'm likely to end up in a psychiatry. I'm not sick,I'm not crazy. I'm just confused about my gender and who I really want to be. Do you think,I'm trans or it's just a stage of my life?
I could read same stories of you guys to see other people's perspectives and how you managed it.

Thanks for reading,hope I wasnt boring so much :/

[Ice Maiden]

Hi Thanks for sharing your story!

I am not FTM so can only go on the many stories and documents I have viewed...

It is not always possible to label yourself.

Gender like sexuality is on a SPECTRUM lets say 1 to 10!

5 being Non Binary or 'intersex' Someone who does not identify as male or female and at 10 and 1 men and women who are happy with their gender.

You could be a 6 or 4 and that is you.

You feel uncertain and at time distressed by your gender? This can be Gender incongruence (Gender Identity confusion) and in time you may feel this becomes stronger and you need to express yourself in a more masculine way.

Gender and sexuality are not the same! You can be a person designated female at birth who fancies men but wants to be treated and seen by society as male a GAY male!

You say post soviet country? and you do not state your age?

Of course some countries are more liberal than others. It is a fact of life that people designated female at birth can wear more masculine clothes and more or less pass unchallenged in society compared to if a cisgender man for example put on a dress... So this maybe something you will need to work out for yourself. At what point does your gender and sexuality become comfortable? Only you can know that and you will have to find that comfort zone by maybe meeting friends who have similar issues to deal with and support one another? Ironically many trans* people make friends and then date many transmen and women do get married It is worth finding social groups in your area if you can and just slowly finding your way?

[Ice Maiden]

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