questioning?

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aliyah
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2016 6:00 am

questioning?

Postby aliyah » Fri Jan 08, 2016 6:32 am

hello. im not exactly sure if i am a trans male, at the moment i identify as agender (they/them) but, i lean more towards the male identity. i have been questioning myself for the past couple of weeks about my gender, i thought that i had figured it out when i realized i was agender but, i think i was wrong. i am not out to anyone nor have i told anyone of my change in identity, the only people i have told are people that i know online. i am too scared to tell my parents because they are very transphobic and im uncomfortable bringing this topic up w/ my friends because they are cis and probably won't give me the best advice i could get and idk where else to go to for help.

right now to people irl that know me i am a straight cis female, only a couple of close friends know that i am biromantic ace. it's been digging at me here recently that i want to come out because im tired of holding back who i am but, i'm too scared of the reactions i'll get and i'm even more scared of what reactions i'll get if i come out as trans. i really need to know.

i am 17 years old. i don't experience gender dysphoria, but i do wear a sports bra most of the time (meaning 98% of the time). i sometimes feel my breasts and wish that they weren't there or that they were smaller. (i am a 34B) or i wish that my hips were narrower and my thighs were skinnier and straighter than what they are. i wear outfits that are typically viewed as masculine, and i finally convinced my parents to let me cut my hair short w/ my money and although it is not as short as i want it, i am satisfied right now. i have always thought of myself as a tomboy because i have no interest in anything viewed as feminine every time i put on a skirt or a dress 99% of the time i will take it off or i'll wear it and feel uncomfortable the whole time i am in it or make up, if i try anything outside of foundation i immediately wipe it off because it feels weird and i typically get along w/ males more than i do females. My mannerism can viewed as masculine as well. i fantasize about what it would be like to play the typical male role in a lesbian relationship in all of them and i can't imagine myself in a lesbian relationship where i am not the one viewed as masculine. the problem is that i am more attracted to males than females, 60% male 40% female. i am not sure if i am just confused and idk what else to do. i have read articles on how to know but can't figure it out and sometimes i feel like im lying to myself and telling myself that i might be trans just so i can be different even as im typing right im having this thought so please help me if you can any advice is welcome,

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Cassie
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Re: questioning?

Postby Cassie » Sun Jan 10, 2016 12:56 pm

Hi Aliyah,

Have you seen a specialist counsellor? This may help you.

As for the reactions of your family and people you know, sadly that's something none of us can give you advice on suffice to say that for many of us the reactions have been mixed and often much more positive than we ever expected. Often those close to us are more aware of what's going on we give them credit for.

The important thing though is to not try to fit yourself into a box that will never be comfortable. These days it's more acceptable to do your own thing and carve out an identity for yourself. If you want to do something positive then get down to the gym and build up your physique. A workout will slim down those annoying curves a bit :)

C

saintdic
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 2:51 pm

Re: questioning?

Postby saintdic » Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:03 pm

Have you seen a specialist counsellor? This may help you.