No idea where to turn

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No idea where to turn

Postby sazm48 » Sun Jan 04, 2015 12:42 pm

I'm looking for some advice. My 16 year old son has come to me and said that he feels that he is transgendered. I want to give him all the help and support I can but I have little experience of this and I am terrified of failing him due to my lack of knowledge. I don't know here to turn for information - I live in North Dorset. I hope that someone can point me in the right direction and also give me some advice about what questions I should be asking him too.

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Re: No idea where to turn

Postby Ice Maiden » Sun Jan 04, 2015 3:39 pm

I assume you are using your 'son' as the child you have always known? Some parents will adapt to calling their child assigned female at birth (Tomboy FTM Tramsmale) their son.


Simply two ways to deal with this.

1. Allow you 'son' to cross-dress and that is that. They maybe like Eddie Izzard and not need anything more than this feedom and agreement.
2. They want to BE female in every way shape and form (as much as possible) this requires you make an appointment to see your GP and get a referral to the Tavistock.
See under 18 section here -

Feeling gender-variant is complex and there are a number of issues at play here.

Wants to cross-dress -

This is as 'simple' as saying, "it is OK to cross-dress," call them by the female name they wish and find a venue where they can meet with others. There are plenty of resources online and in our venue guide. But there is likely to be a transgender support group locally and call them. These days you child may have friends already who are cool about it and the idea of you 'son' looking like a girl, can be very traumatic especially for dads. "What will the The neighbours say?!!!!" They might be into it themselves ;). Seriously though, this is a really tough time for parents. Especially if you have only just found out! It feels like you do not know your child at all and how could you have not known before(?) and so on. Well this is something transgender people struggle with and bury very deeply until they cannot contain it. And that bursting through can come out at any time from a teen to a pensioner as you have no-doubt seen with Kellie Maloney! (Celebrity Big Brother). If you child is serious about this and wants more than weekend excursions then the earlier you act the better as feminising is better. The internet can be a double-edged sword here as many beautiful transgender women who can work in the sex trade can sometimes create extreme body dysmorphia. Hatred of your own body and rather than feel positive as with many women assigned female at birth (cisgender 'regular girls') they can be judged against pornography and when they cannot match up to what their boyfriend is into can feel unwell and jealous.

Needs surgery -

Your child (possibly daughter(I will avoid son for now as well this is tzone) is 16 and as such would require adolescent services at the Tavistock in London I will put the address for your GP below if they feel they want to have surgery at some point, or not as The Tavistock will work though their needs and it might be this, Link see under 18 section here - As you child is already 16 and by the time they get through all this they will likely be 18 as you cannot have GRS surgery until then in the UK (but most of the world has agreed to this now under WPATH guidelines). So the Tavistock and your GP can manage hormones and so on until then, they would then be referred to Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic here and that is that... See here -

This is a complex issue and they are welcome to join our Facebook group here if you tell me their name in a private message you can pm me on here if you register or click here for facebook I will ensure they are approved ... 8705002143 and we will support them.

Keep posting if you need parent support there are options for that too I will forward this to our families admin (she is not trans) who maybe able to help you personally. As we have a duty of care to the family around the transgender person.

Hope this helps.
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Postby Casaluna » Sun Jan 04, 2015 10:16 pm

Last edited by Casaluna on Thu May 14, 2015 3:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: No idea where to turn

Postby thedreadpersephone » Sun Jan 04, 2015 10:42 pm

Hi sazm,

welcome to the forum. It is a bit difficult to know what to suggest without a bit more information. Can you say a bit about what you have discussed so far?

If you want to try speaking to parents who have faced a similar situation you could try joining the family support group on Depend, which is a Yahoo support group.
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Postby Casaluna » Mon Jan 05, 2015 1:48 pm


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