Body Dysphoria/Autism?

[WolfieKate]

Hello

I am 45. I have suffered dysphoric reactions to my breasts since puberty. And yet I am OK with being female, just not a very clear female. I don't wear make up and I only ever wear trousers never skirts or anything so tom boy is what people say. Over the last 30 years I have tried to diet my breasts away, exercise them away, drink alot of alcohol to get my head to escape them, and since 1995 have had 6 ops to make them smaller. And I still feel extreme dysphoria and sensory disgust towards them. I have had counselling galore and I have been on anti obsessive medication for 15 years. But none of it works. I am so tired of them being the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning. It would be so nice to be free. I am on the waiting list for autism assessment and it does seem as if autism has linked to body and gender dysphoria. My issues seem not only a psychological disconnection but also a sensory wrongness about my breasts which has been there since they grew. I can't bear the way fabrics feel when they press on them.

I'd like to find a sympathetic UK surgeon who wouldn't shout insanity at me. I am not insane, I am just tired of living with this physical wrongness literally attached to me. Thanks for any advice.

[Sophia_Botha]

I've been diagnosed both as gender dysphoric & autistic

Some believe there might be a link between autism & gender identity problems

In my experience the GIC at Charing Cross don't think I'm insane & in fact have been very sympathetic & understanding towards me being Asperger's

[Guest]

Thank you Sophia,


I think my wariness is because my most recent surgeon who has done her best to take me as small as possible as always made me feel as if my requests were extreme or odd. My son has Aspergers, he was diagnosed last year. I suspect I am also Aspergers. The waiting list where I live is a year for assessment.

I really want to escape my breasts now and be who I think I was meant to be. I emailed one clinic yesterday so hopefully they will get back to me. If not I will try others. I just wish I had understood myself when I was younger instead of battling to be what I perceived as normal. I feel more determined now. And I am tired of being told that I have some kind of curable mental illness as if I am going to rush out and be all girly and celebrate my breasts in some way when for 30 years I have hated them.

Thank you for replying. I have the support of my family and I think I will be so much happier if I can achieve this.

Kate

[Ice Maiden]

It maybe you have BDD (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/body-dysmo ... ction.aspx)

I remember see a programme with the well know gender specialist Dr Russell Reid who was sympathetic to those that wanted their legs amputated as they couldn't live any quality of life with them, and rather than risk them using a chainsaw on a hinge or something that may kill them felt that medicine should address this issue.

BDD is a very controversial subject. The Non-Maleficence doctrine is built into the Medical Doctors oath. To do no harm. However, sometime like with transsexual people, the removal of 'perfectly healthy tissue' (resulting in sterilisation ON TOP!) had proven to not only be justified but it give that person a true quality of life!

You want a mastectomy? Why shouldn't you be allowed to have one - if by doing so it means you can have a happy and contended life? After all if this was a big mole on your face they would happily remove it to make you happy!

Medicine and conservative thinking is still rife. People protecting their careers scared of being sued. It is time for medicine to mature a little and realise that you own your body and can do what you like with it! As long as it doesn't harm others what is the problem here? Breasts are just a quirk of nature a roll of the dice. They could have been tiny, or you could have been born male. Neither of these options are life-threatening, women have mastectomy every day due to cancer, then get reconstruction. You seem to want just the first part. And they are making you ill too. Is this not a cancer of sorts?

[WolfieKate]

Thanks Icemaiden

Yes I think I do have BDD.. but all I see on offer for that in UK medicine is cbt (had stacks) and medication (been on it for 15 years). I think it may be related to autism in that it's a kind of extreme sensory issue.

I found this wonderful quote from someone on the internet:

"If you’ve never had body dysphoria, let me explain a little bit about how it makes me feel and why I have it. Body dysphoria feels like the worst-fitting outfit you’ve ever put together, but you can never take it off. Or sometimes it’s more like a pebble in your shoe, or a belt that digs into your side, or a tiny thing that is just noticeable enough to throw your day off. Some days I wake up and it’s just there. Some days it’s because I tried to fit my body into my clothes, and the parts that didn’t fit made me want to scream and disappear and puke up all my guts at the same time. It can grow into a scary place where I don’t know if my body belongs to me, and I feel like I’ve been detached from something essential and am about to wash out to sea."

This is how I feel, I am just hoping I can find a surgeon smart enough to hear me. Thank you for letting me visit you forum to talk about this.